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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New relationship moving fast

7 replies

isthisrealorarethosefake · 26/11/2025 20:44

So I’ve entered new relationship, ish.

When i was newly single in 2019 i went through a dating apps phase and we match. We had a couple of dates, nothing serious, spoke about a shared hobby alot. We spoke for around 6 months, became social media friends etc. But i called it off as had the realisation of not being ready, my life was chaos and i needed to fix my life, focus on my own happiness, my kids, my career, a stable home etc and i couldnt do all of that with someone. I needed to do it by myself. He was very understanding of this, no hard feelings, no why did u start something if u werent ready, just honest understanding. Over the past few years theres been the odd commenting on posts, like of pictures but no direct contact.

About 2 months ago he messaged out the blue as he had seen someone who looked like me in his town and wondered if i had moved. We got talking again and honestly i remembered how much i liked him and how if i hadnt been such a wreck maybe it would have developed. We met for a coffee a few days later and it was just easy, chilled, safe. It felt like i had known him forever. We have seen each other 2 or 3 times a week since that first conversation, hes spoken about how he felt really strongly back in 2019, and he understood why i pulled back but he was pretty gutted. How he kept track on facebook, not in a stalker way but when i posted he always thought about messaging and seeing how i was, that i was a one that got a way type person and if the timing had been better we could have worked then. But now it’s so easy. We laugh, have fun, have really good conversations, loads in common, the same hobbies, the sex is incredible. But most of all i can be myself, no filtering, no holding back. Hes a safe place for me.

Well, today hes dropped the love bomb. I didnt say it back. I replied saying i really liked him too and i really liked how things are developing, but i need time before im at that point and ready to say it. I have strong feelings for him but im not there yet. He has since messaged as he was worried he scared me, and Ive explained hes not going to scare me, im all in, im just not ready to say that outloud yet, that he needs to give me time. And he understands. The vibes havent changed, it doesnt feel awkward, it feels safe and like he gets it.

But should i be worried? Is 2 months fast? Should I have responded differently? Im so out of the relationship game im doubting everything. I really like him, i don’t want to ruin things. But is 2 months in too fast. Or ok.

for a bit more infor, all my kids are now over 18, however ive said il still waiting to introduce them, therell be no staying over at mine for the time being. And i absolutely would not consider moving in or anything like that till my youngest has finished university. I laid those out and he understands all of that. Its not moving fast in that sense, its just moving fast emotionally, faster for him it seems.

OP posts:
smallsilvercloud · 26/11/2025 21:52

Stop worrying, only do what you feel comfortable with.
Why do you think you’d ruin things and doubting? It does sound like you need a bit more time, to get to know him better.

Treesinthewind · 26/11/2025 21:57

I feel like two months would be too soon if you'd only know him for that long, but in the context of having been acquaintances/friends for such a long time, I wouldn't worry as much about the timescale, as long as you're not feeling underpressure or rushed by him.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 26/11/2025 22:00

It doesn't sound too fast to me.
You've known him for quite a lot longer than two months, haven't you?

It sounds like he'll be willing to give you plenty of time.

But if you're anxious about it, you must do what feels right to you.

UpDownAllAround1 · 27/11/2025 02:48

your gut feel is?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 27/11/2025 15:58

Hey, I'm a fellow too-soon "I love you"'er. I said it to DP about 2 months in, she took about a year to say it back (We'd had a kid by that point, we did things very much in the wrong order!)

Ironically, the fact that I say it too soon is probably also the reason I don't care that much about how long it takes for someone to say it back. The words "I love you" don't really mean much to me. I could say the words to anyone, I wouldn't find it difficult. I'd be lying, but that's not difficult. I said "I love you" to DP, because that's just what you say to someone you're in a relationship with. And because I don't think it's important particularly, sometimes I misjudge when to say it.

In DPs case, I said it because she'd just done something so astoundingly lovely for me, that must have been an absolute pain in the ass for her to do, that I figured she must love me, why would you go out of your way so much for someone you didn't love. She'd shown me she loved me, and in that moment the only way I had to reciprocate was by telling her I loved her too. And in response she practically ran out of the room. But it didn't bother me that it took her forever to say it back, because she'd already shown me she loved me, and she kept showing me, every day.

Him saying the words isn't neccessarily a red flag @isthisrealorarethosefake , how he responds over the coming weeks to you not saying them might be.

CiderWithRosie1972 · 27/11/2025 16:01

Just enjoy it, he sounds amazing and really understanding.

Palourdes · 27/11/2025 16:02

It’s irrelevant what he feels, really. Go at your own pace. Focus on yourself.

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