Hey all, I need some advice. My boyfriend of 10 months recently broke up with me but then came back (the same day...). He apologized and claimed he wanted to fix things. I'm his first girlfriend, he's always been kind, helped me through depression and returning to university, often asked me how I felt. He talks about marriage and children. I agreed to therapy because he insisted on me going. Now we live together. I know it might be too quick but we always wanted to do this.
We're very different. He often texts his uni female friends and hangs out with male friends too. I only have one female friend in another city. All of them are taken but I'm still jealous. He did favours for these girls and bought them souvenirs from vacation. They used to regularly drop him off too. I set a boundary that he shouldn't hang out with the girls one on one. I have trust issues even if he's meeting a male friend so I often try to join him and his male friends for beer or the gym. One female friend suggested him a summer internship abroad together but we were planning to go to the States in the summer so he declined. It made me uneasy about potential emotional intimacy between them during such a long stay abroad, and about her intentions in general. She said she didn't wanna go alone.
I'm frustrated that he spends almost all his free time gaming. I'm struggling to stay productive myself when he only focuses on entertainment. He plays everyday after work for at least 3 hours & if I'm not there he can play for days. I asked him to reduce it but he insists it's his passion. He often needs rest from me and a lot of 'me-time'. He admitted he can finally breathe whenever I travel somewhere without him. I wanted to try couples counselling but he recently gave me an ultimatum - either I stop controlling his free time and relationships (male friends he goes to the gym or to drink with), or it's over. I appreciate his other activities & he does household chores but almost all his spare time is gaming. We've signed up for a language course together only because I wanted to. I feel he lacks ambition and goals beyond the PC in everyday life. He has a job and a degree but I think it's kind of a bare minimum.
I don't know how to talk to him anymore. Expressing my concerns ends up in him blaming me and telling me I'm the problem. His friends & family agree with him. I told him I'm unsure if he actually cares about the relationship. He said he does, otherwise he "would've dumped me long ago after finding out I was expelled from uni" (I waited a bit too long to tell him that). I'm unsure if I'm the problem or he simply doesn't care enough. How to ask for a compromise? Whenever he grabs the console or sits in front of the PC I get so irritated. I don't want to watch him waste his whole life like this. He says he likes his 'gamer' lifestyle.