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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confusing partner/depression or narcissism?

5 replies

Marie1988 · 26/11/2025 08:34

To make it brief my partner has been moody snappy for the last couple of months we have a 6month old baby boy who is great at sleeping so no sleep deprivation happening (at the moment). We also have a 13yr old son he's not biological father but great step dad.

I've been with partner 3yrs everything has been great get along really well few little arguments but nothing major.

Last year 23 December we had to say goodbye to our family dog as he was struggling with health my partner was great with him and it broke our heart loosing him.

We not long got a puppy who is doing great with training so far she's great.

We had our baby boy in may and my partner was amazing during the delivery everything felt perfect.

Going back a few months my partner became distant with intimacy I guess I didn't realise until now how long it had been since we done the deed as we are busy with little one but we would still go out see family and friends which we all get on fine we also go to the cinema just the 2 of us sometimes and his mum would watch the baby so we do make time for the 2 of us.

Last couple of months ny partner became moody,snappy, taking things out on everyone in the household I kept asking what was wrong but it was like I was talking to someone else he would shut me out, mock me, get annoyed for "nagging" at him when all I was doing was trying to understand. It went on and on every other day I would ask him about our relationship and how I would want a cuddle and more intimacy as I missed it again he got snappy to the point I cried and he just watched me cry 😢 said nothing I went to bed he slept downstairs.

Days went by hardly spoke he would always get annoyed with the dog calling her a bitch, slag ect infront of our eldest. I was just looking at him thinking where is my partner gone the happy loving man in this house.

We got into a conversation again and he mocked me and basically refused to acknowledge the way he had been and blamed me, gaslit me maybe and mocking took place again and told me all I do is nag nag nag ( at this point I'm exhausted) told him to pack a few things and we need a break maybe go to his mums for abit he did just that but before he left he said have you been on the "pop" again (meaning have i had a drink) i snapped at him and looked at him in a confused way and he said "look at me all you want with your tarty face" 😬 I was like what! He left and went to his mothers all ive had since then is messages basically saying its my fault I ended it ect he will now live in fear of it happening again but I've told him he cant be mad at me for acting that way due to his actions and I want to resolve ect and I apologised so much I just thought the intense moods and eggshells were too much especially for the kids I had to do what I had to do in that moment I'm starting to think he wanted me to act like that.

He hasn't taking accountability for anything he's done and the things he's said he's just blamed me.

The past few days I have been looking into his behaviour and I'm not sure if I'm dealing with a narcissist my head is all over the place.

I ask him if he's coming home yet to resolve and I never get an answer he's been at his mums over a month now I fractured my toe in 2 places nearly 2 weeks ago and when I told him he didn't even seem concerned didn't ask if I was ok and since then he hasn't asked ive been at home with our baby and juggling things and sometimes I don't hear from him at all.

After he finishes work he comes round for an hour and then goes he then sees our little boy on a saturday but he takes him to his mums for a couple of hours brings him back then leaves.

It's like being with a stranger.

I don't know what to do or think anymore 😕

OP posts:
Carlou · 26/11/2025 09:07

sounds like he has it all... no strings relationship and his kid around certain days to boot. Plus being with mum means he will get to be king of the castle there too. I would be inclined to give him an ultimatum... counselling as a couple to repair damage or split. If he doesn't make a decision... that is his decision (not you and the marriage unfortunately ). He has had a month to reflect... that's enough time to work out if he wants the marriage or not. But to leave you in limbo is wrong. Give him til the end of the week then start proceedings. Meanwhile get financial and legal advice in preparation... make it completely obvious that this is the bottom line... one week. Then follow through. Best of luck!

Amsooverthis · 26/11/2025 09:07

This is not you, it's him and there's likely to be someone else in the background. Once he's established it's all your fault he can then reveal the new woman who totally understands him.

Marie1988 · 26/11/2025 09:34

Amsooverthis · 26/11/2025 09:07

This is not you, it's him and there's likely to be someone else in the background. Once he's established it's all your fault he can then reveal the new woman who totally understands him.

I really dont think he has cheating tendencies he's a very shy bloke i had to initiate everything when we first met 1st kiss ect and he leaves his phone round all the time we are all over social media together and in a relationship too on fb

OP posts:
Amsooverthis · 26/11/2025 09:39

Marie1988 · 26/11/2025 09:34

I really dont think he has cheating tendencies he's a very shy bloke i had to initiate everything when we first met 1st kiss ect and he leaves his phone round all the time we are all over social media together and in a relationship too on fb

That's fair and you know him better than me. I hope I'm wrong. Whatever the cause this is doing nothing for your self esteem and resilience. I hope things improve and you feel more in control, don't wait for him to improve, it seems unlikely he's going to change.

Sleepyandtiredandlazy · 26/11/2025 11:28

I'm afraid I agree with @Amsooverthis

He seems to have checked out of the relationship at the very least.

I think you need to seek legal advice as to where you stand. And then it's ultimatum time: either he works with you to resolve this stalemate or the relationship is over.

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