I’ve been with my partner for 10 months and, until recently, things have felt really positive. We’ve been talking seriously about moving in together. I have a child from a previous relationship so I’m very conscious about stability, boundaries, and what kind of environment I’d be bringing my child into.
My partner was married for a good few years and she and her ex share adult children and a small business. I fully expected there to be some contact. But the amount of contact has become a real concern.
Her ex calls her 3–4 times every single day, without fail. He messages her constantly, random things, not business-related, and she replies immediately. They also regularly meet alone for hours at his house, despite having a perfectly functional shared office they could use instead.
He also still has a lot of financial control over her via the business. He handles the accounts, makes decisions, and she seems to defer to him on anything money-related. It doesn’t feel like a healthy post-divorce setup.
I raised all of this politely and she actually agreed that the contact was excessive and that boundaries were needed. But absolutely nothing has changed.
When he calls, she answers. Every time.
We went away recently for what was meant to be a romantic week together, just the two of us. But the calls and messages from him continued throughout the trip. And as soon as our plane landed home, she immediately texted him to say she was back. I felt completely sidelined.
Now we’re talking about moving in together, and I can’t shake the feeling that this dynamic could be really confusing, even emotionally unhealthy, for my child. It feels like her ex is still heavily embedded in her daily life, almost like he’s the invisible third adult in the relationship.
AIBU to think we need proper boundaries before taking such a big step?