Is this financial abuse?

[Changingplace]

I’m leaving soon to be Ex ‘D’ H for a variety of reasons, one is his misuse of money but would this situation be classed as financial abuse, or just theft?

A couple of years ago his parents gifted us a large sum of money, our house needs a lot of work so it would’ve been enough to do the work.

We needed to do some other work before the main building work, he shows literally no interest so I was doing all the decorating etc on my own.

By the time we were in a place to book in the rest, I realised he’s drained the joint account where the rest of the money was. All gone, it was in a joint account but not to be frittered away, he’s never paid a penny of it back.

What it’s been spent on is another story but basically there’s nothing to show for it. His parents don’t know, but will soon no doubt start asking questions as to why we’re not getting the house sorted.

Is this financial abuse? Theft? Just general fuck wittery?

I am dealing with a similar situation.

My understanding is that if he has frittered it away on bad decisions, it's just fuckwittery and unrecoverable. If he has moved large sums away from you, especially recently, that's not allowed and is recoverable.

It also depends a bit on how much we're talking about. 20k - meh. 100k - worth pursuing legally.

NOT a lawyer, just another schmuck who trusted a man and got fucked over.

I would quite happily be telling his parents all about the huge amount of work on the house that still needs doing, and how generous they had been in giving their son the money, however unfortunately you have no alternative but to tell them that he has wasted all their money and spent it all. Dump him in the shit with them.

I wouldn't tell them until after you have split though, you don't want them thinking that you feel you are entitled to any of it.

Yes @RescueMeFromThisSillinessbut expect blood to be thicker than water.

You need legal advice OP, and to lay your hands on as much written evidence as possible asap.

I’ve got all the statements showing it all being transferred into his personal account.

And yes I will be telling his parents, once it’s all further along than it is now. They’ll no doubt make every excuse under the sun for him but I couldn’t care less.

We don’t have kids, I have no reason to see them once we’re divorced, so I might as well tell them them the truth.

It’s approx £40k, so was enough to do a lot with, but he’s frittered it.

Well all 3 in their own rights. How much was it, what did he spend it on and over what period of time?

Have you asked him what he plans to tell his parents? If I gifted my daughter money for a specific use and it was spent frivolously I would not be impressed. I would be furious if her partner/husband whatever spent it.

If he transferred it to his own personal account, are you sure it's been spent? Maybe he's hiding it?
I wouldn't necessarily say financial abuse, but I would say frittering away or straight out thievery... depending on what is been spent on, and if there's any left.

Before you do and say anything get it on record somewhere that that money was indeed a gift and NOT a loan as you don’t want them backtracking to get 20k off you in the divorce! Or saying he owes 40k etc ..

He sees it as his money because it’s from his parents ? Tell them what happened but don’t get drawn into any arguments / discussions. Good luck with the divorce ! You’ve had a lucky escape.