I quit my job to save my marriage and I regret it

[IceOnAMountain]

I'm 33, so is DH. I had the perfect one-in-a-million kind of job. Interesting job scope, pays decently, 10 mins walk from our home (ridiculous coincidence as we're pretty rural), fantastic environment, my manager and colleagues are more friends than just coworkers.

2 years ago I found myself getting closer to this colleague. She's divorced, around our age too, no kids. It started with just group lunches with the rest of the office, then monthly wine sessions with some coworkers, then just us going on hour long walks on the days we end early, staying back late so we could talk, and a holiday with just us 2 for 16 days to Australia last year while DH went on holiday with his brothers.

I'm bi, she's mostly straight (in the sense that she says she's never thought about it when we were on this topic a long time ago) but there's been flirting in the past few months. Nothing explicit but things like "this meeting would be better if you were here" or "wish I were back in Australia with you" from her.

I like her. Too much. It got to a point where my mood at work depended on whether she talked to me or if she was laughing with other people. Some days I got so jealous it's ridiculous. One day I was home celebrating our anniversary with DH and all I could think about was her. And so, 2 months ago, I quit.

Applied for everything I was qualified for and the best I could get was a job with the only positive being that it pays 22% more. It's bloody 1h away, less varied job scope as it's an MNC instead of a SME, and the title is a bit 'lower' than my previous one because frankly my previous company was a bit old-school so only needed to do very basic IT tasks.

I regret it. So many trade offs when in hindsight I could've just cooled off a little and it'd maybe be fine.

Colleagues. Are. Not. Your. Friends.
Do your job.
Earn pay.
Go home.

You didn't quit to save your marriage. You quit because you would have been a scumbag to carry on and being a scumbag isn't your code. That's great, and to be celebrated.

It is a hard road to navigate but an important one. Being moral is never easy but I genuinely believe your life turns out better as a result.

I think so much of this (if it is true) is in your head. I was once infatuated with a woman at work. It ended - I moved away. Looking back she enjoyed the attention, had no intention of reciprocating and on meeting up with her a few years later I realised was not a particularly nice person. Move on.

Water the grass you're stood on.

It's realistically the consequences of your own actions.

In the future they may have another opening but spend some time evaluating who you are and if your relationship is working.

Can you get your old job back?

And then think about why you married your spouse. Are you in love with him? Do you love him? What made you want to marry him?

It sounds like you did the right thing.

Another one.
The last thread i read op got told not to tell her husband about the builder.
She did nothing wrong and it was all the builders fault.
Lets see how this thread goes.

You’re blaming your husband?

I think you did the right thing. A married grown up with a crush on a colleague should leave the job.

It was very mature to leave the job if this colleague was so inside your head that you felt it could have been a threat to your marriage.

What you should ask yourself is why you felt this way. What is lacking in your married which led your mind to wander in this direction?

You say this was more than just a passing fancy - you thought about your colleague while spending your anniversary with DH.

It might be best to identify the issue and work on that - or you might find yourself in a similar situation sometime in the future.

I think you did the right thing, if you had been able to manage your feelings then you would have done so. Tbh I think this would have ended in tears.

Oh FFS