Living apart together

[Bluey1996]

So my partner and I have been together for 5 years. He moved in to my house as friends and it turned romantic. We have never been together in separate houses.

As of late, there has been a lot of issues, him feeling trapped and leaving and then coming back and then breaking things off etc. (poss avoidant) he said because I had the flat previously he doesn’t feel like it’s his, despite the 5 years here.

I really struggle as he is not the best at communicating and he feels trapped when I ask him what he is doing etc.

The last time he walked out, I said to make this work I need him to seek therapy work on whatever it is because I can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair on me.

He has now got a flat and never told me and I’m really struggling and worried about how this is going to work when big decisions are discussed first. I feel that due to communication issues, we are just going to fizzle out and no effort is going to be made.

Can anyone let me know how this has worked for everyone? It’s literally the last thing before we break up. I really don’t want to but something has go to give. Like do you all have schedules etc.

Thanks

It sounds like he’s made his choice OP, he’s just not man enough to tell you that!

LAT is my perfect arrangement and I've done it a couple of times. However, there was none of this leaving, coming back, doing things in secret malarkey. It will only work if boundaries and expectations are discussed calmly and respectfully, otherwise one or both of you will be filled with uncertainty and anxiety.

I’m amazed that you’re still pursuing this relationship - sounds to me like he’s wanted out for a while. What are you getting out of this apart from hurt and feeling insecure . Let go before you end up getting a lot more hurt than you already are.

Living apart is fine but him doing it without saying is strange. Have you asked him why he didnt tell you?

Living apart is the perfect relationship for many people but that’s when it’s a mutual decision.

Sounds like he’s checked out but he’s too cowardly to tell you so he’s pulling away hoping you get the hint.

Id say the relationship is over on all but name

The relationship is over. Let him go.

This is a very unsubtle way of him ending things op.

He plans to live apart, there’s no “together”.

You’re right, this will fizzle out because he wants it to. He’s behaved in a very childish and underhanded way instead of just being honest and saying he wanted to end it. Probably an avoidant or just a spineless. Either way it’s the same outcome. You can stress over him walking out or take back the control and formally end what’s over anyway so you can move on.
This is not LAT, it’s a man who’s used and now discarded you. Sorry if that sounds harsh but there’s no hope this will work out the way you want it to.

Blimey. Let it ‘fizzle out’. This man is a pile of crap, is making you unhappy and will continue to do so.

To an outsider, it sounds as though your relationship is already over & I think letting it fizzle is probably for the best.

It sounds live living together as friends turned into a convenient shag for him, and now it's gone too far and he's panicked. I'm sorry, OP, but you definitely deserve better.