First christmas separated from ex H

[Mumto21234]

This will be my first christmas separated from my ex H. I usually absolutely love christmas but just cannot wait for it to be over this year.

We have 2 very young children who will be with me on christmas day, but I just wish I could fast forward to January.

It makes it much more difficult knowing he is probably excited about christmas as he will be making plans with his new partner, who he had an affair with. It really feels like he gets off scot free!

Not sure what im looking for really, other than solidarity or words of wisdom for those who have been through it before.

Focus on you and your children not what he's doing.

It's time to set your own Christmas and do the things you want to and what your children want to. Perhaps deliberately do something completely different this year just for a new start.

It’s such a difficult time, I remember it well

when the dcs went to their dads on Boxing Day I would get into some clean pjs, pick a series and binge the lot
i would eat leftovers in bed, drink Buck’s Fizz in bed etc

now I begrudge doing anything Boxing Day despite being in a healthy relationship and much older dcs

Being with your children and watching them open their presents on Christmas Day sounds a much preferable experience than spending it with your cheating partner, as he will be doing. He would have to be a pretty morally berefit father not to have some regrets on missing out on such a special experience.

It's realy difficult for you OP. But you at least have the satisfaction of seeing what he is missing out on.

The children being with you is the best outcome for this. I hope your ex gets crabs and spends the day shaving his balls if that helps at all. Cheats are the lowest of all scumbags but you know what? He has done you and the kids a favour by fucking off and you will realise that in time. Chin up x

My christmas wish summed up right there!

Just try and enjoy it with your children, focus on the. Hopefully ex and his girlfriend will come down a dreadful stomach upset with lots of trips to the loo x

You get to spend Xmas with the kids. He gets to spend Xmas with not just one, but two, complete arseholes.

Yes, it's hard but it's good. He's not good.

Can I join in? Also my first christmas post seperation, but I'm still living with my ex so thats pretty shit. Kids are almost 4 and 7.

Means he gets to see the kids opening their presents and then he's going to fuck off to his sisters leaving me to clear up no doubt. No matter, I am still looking forward to it, but then, I'm putting a lot of energy into being positive and looking forward as if I dwell too much on things I'll probably never get out of bed.

And for what it's worth, he cheated too. Very different in that is wasn't an emotional encounter, but a random man he searched for online so no new partner to cone to terms with, only the realisation that he completely used me to fill a gap in his life and now I've been discarded

Make new memories with your children keep it simple. Lots of community events are free and child focused.
My young children love decorating a Christmas tree and looking at local lights.

If your cooking with them make life easy my young children would happily eat pigs in blankets and Yorkshire puddings!

Get them out of the house for a walk to the park if the weathers OK etc. Bake some star biscuits.

If you have them on boxing day then sometimes there is a cheaper panto on boxing day.

Make new traditions, dance about and have it the Christmas you want!

Let his partner enjoy her Christmas present of a lying cheat as next Christmas she could be single whilst he cozy’s up to the woman he cheated on her with.

Enjoy your Christmas of doing things your way.

I bet you he'll be spending christmas thinking about other women and his partner will be worrying about him thinking about other women. Cheats are always cheats, she'll know, he'll know. They're miserable, they just appear to have won.

Time for your new Christmas, no doubt in your mind that someone's going behind your back, no looking over your shoulder. You get to spend the day with your kids eating lovely food, watching them open presents and eating quality street. You're the winner here.

Promise you, by yr 2, you’ll be loving life so much you won’t give the crab ridden fucker a second thought.

This Christmas, treat it as a challenge - to give your kids a great Xmas. You might find you start enjoying yourself - fake it till you make it!

Great advice, challenge accepted - thank you!

I am sorry we are all in the same boat. I do think generally the women are the ones left “ holding the babies “ so we can’t just swan off and do what we like .
This will be my second Christmas and the first one was tough . My children are older so I didn’t really get the magic of Christmas with them .

My top tips , as others have said check what is on locally beside you and try and get you and kids into the Christmas spirit .

Unless you don’t want to / have great family support - I would allow yourself the chance to have a quiet Christmas Day with your kids . Do what you and the kids want and keep it as easy as you can , with some pre -prepared foods or even pizza etc .
I would try and make sure your ex takes the kids for some of the holidays and use that time to pamper and chill . Catch up with friends for coffee / walks .
Just be kind to yourself , it isn’t an easy time. I was conscious of all the happy couples about and did feel a bit sorry for myself . But take comfort that you can do what you want and don’t have ( in my case anyway ) a grumpy ex who moaned about doing family things .

I think it is also less lonely being on your own and separated , rather being lonely in a relationship with someone who isn’t treating you well .

I do think it is difficult not to compare yourself to the OW and what they might be doing-, but take comfort in reminding yourself about what a prize dickhead your ex and all our exes were / are and it is for the OW to now deal with this once the honeymoon period is over .
Take care OP and all of you that find yourself in this position .

He might be shagging his way through Christmas but deep down he will know he messed up and ruined his childrens family upbringing. You will get through it stronger, OP. Sending hugs x