Is this gaslighting

[Crackersnap]

Hi all opinions and advice needed. Met a lovely guy been getting on fine but he lives a distance away and we haven't met up in a while so have been chatting on WhatsApp and calling etc.

We were chatting last night. He asked me if I'd bought this dress I was planning to buy for a Christmas event I'm going to. I said not yet. He said just to let you know I won't be able to keep my hands off you when I see you in that. Then followed up with how sexy he finds me.

I said you know my thoughts on sex before marriage to which he replied I know your rules but I thought maybe you'd loosen them for my good behaviour that's what usually happens.

So I go on to say what do you mean by usually. And I asked him do you usually try to have sex with people you've only known for a short time etc. Because realistically we've only been sort of dating a couple of months and he told me his beliefs on sex were the same as mine, best to wait etc.

Then he replies I never mentioned sex. That's not what I was talking about at all. You've taken it all wrong. Where in my messages did I say anything sexual. So I referred him back to I won't be able to keep my hands off you. Which he said means he won't be able to stop holding my hand!

He then goes on to try and convince me that I've imagined it all and he never meant anything sexual at all.

Having come out of a very abusive marriage it rang an alarm bell for me. But again I am still dealing with trauma.

So please let me know am I mad or would you have taken that the same way and is this him trying to gaslight me?

Definitely sounds like gaslighting, I'd run a mile! Also his "usually" comment is very concerning - sounds quite predatory behaviour (he's basically bragging about having successfully pressured people into sex who didn't want to have sex with him), and yes his comment makes it sound like he's done it a lot. And even if he hadn't and he was just trying to sound "sexy" or something, he then went and gaslit you

May be it's too soon for a relationship if you're still dealing with trauma. Perhaps better to work on yourself and then you'll be in a better place with the relationship you deserve x

Too soon for you to date

This story could be posted right along the actual definition of gaslighting.
You are spot on.

His plan backfired and he wasn't prepared to take any accountability, so he turned it on you. Classic.

Good job spotting it. You do realise you have to walk away from him, right? There are no second chances after gaslighting.

Hi all thanks for confirming. I knew it was but still sometimes second guess myself. Would never second guess myself to someone like him though. So I thought best to ask on here.

The funny thing is he asked my deal breakers as well and he knows one of them is gaslighting.

When I say I'm still dealing with trauma it is trauma from previous marriage and childhood which means I don't have secure attachment. Sometimes I can question things too much. That's why I wanted to double check. I have done a lot of work to help myself and up until now I've been managing to spot these kind of behaviours and stay well clear of people who display them which is a big improvement for me.

Obviously I will be telling him I'm not going to be dating him anymore. Glad I caught it early and I won't waste anymore time on someone who does that.