MIL with early dementia

[BestieNo1]

Has anyone got any experience of supporting their partner who’s Mum is early Alzheimer’s? I used to work in a home so know the signs.
i want to support him but in all honestly I can’t feel too bad for her as she never cared much for me through two horrible miscarriages, no help with child care, favouriting her other son and his family and had a sharp tongue so I was often scared to speak!
Luckily the dementia has softened her sharp tongue but her son says she is not the same person (tbh she really was very selfish and not very nice to me).
How would you approach the new developments?

I don’t think there’s a lot you can do apart from support your DH, the disease will take its own natural course.

BTW, my sympathies, my MIL can be quite bitter and a very mean woman. I’m just pleased I don’t have a part in caring for her due to distance.

Lucky you! Enjoy x

My MIL died last year from stroke/dementia.
She was a really horrible person through most of my dealings with her, she hated her son being with another woman even though I had two children and was with him twenty years.
I found it really sad, I was doing her personal care for her, I was having to look after her and I found a bond with her we could never have got if she wasn't in the dementia phase.
I looked at her another way to be honest, she was struggling and we bonded in her final months.. I wish she was better but we had good moments in her final years. I took from it I will not be that parent! She is gone now but my children don't see her as a grandma.
They see my Mum as their grandma.
She always had a problem with us and now she's gone it's like she's dissappeard.

I'm currently caring for my wifes father. He has dementia and his wife had to have a medical procedure recently and can't look after him fully for a while.

I am staying at their house for a couple of weeks so I can help him during the night. Finding the loo, getting dressed and such.

I am not in the same position though as he has always been a hugely positive and supportive person to us both and I was honoured when he asked if it was me who could help him during this time.

So far we have had a lovely time. Apart from lacking a good night's sleep for a while.

My wife was in peices when he was first diagnosed and at each sign of deterioration. But she is starting to accept this new reality and if I can help keep him happy and take away any anxiety while his wife recovers that will hopefully prevent a faster deterioration.

It is tough seeing someone who for 20 years has been a big presence in my life slip away. We do try to do things that keep him active and thinking of the past. And it is nice to be rewarded with a few moments of his old self appearing as he talks about his grand children or make jokes about whatever as he has always had a big sense of humour.

I can't imagine how tough it would be to support someone you dont like very much though. For me its just paying back all the kindness and support he gave over the years.

What does your husband think?. He is key here. Support him and further establish firm
and consistently applied boundaries re her for your own self.

I would not be directly involved with any aspect of her day to day care going forward. You may also want to post too on the elderly parents part of this website, that forum is found under the other stuff heading.

It’s all about supporting your DH. Unless you’re suggesting he does less for her because you don't like her?