Telling teens you are dating

[whichwayisup]

So I split with their dad over 3 years ago. Amicable and straightforward ish. No interest in having any kind of relationship until last few weeks when I signed up for on line dating.

I've been on a couple of dates and I've kind of met someone who I think I'll be seeing a bit more of. Nothing close to serious, just a weekend bit of fun when kids are at their dad's.

Anyway my question is, when do I tell them? They are aged 15 - 21..... I'm not very good at lying and they are very curious as to where I've been and with who etc etc. I don't want them finding out because someone else says..oh I saw your mum blah de blah.

I’m in the same boat, my kids older and grandkids on the scene. I am a widower of over 2 years and have met a guy, we are “ dating “ kids are aware that I’m dating, but they don’t ask.
I sometimes say I went out or going out.
if and when it’s more serious I will introduce but it won’t be for months.
i also don’t intend to have him move in , it’s just company someone to do things with.
i think he feels the same. But has no close family to tell.

Two years is the normal time recommended.

I am not long separated and both my teens have asked when I’m going to start dating! They don’t like the thought of me being on my own apparently- although one has said he doesn’t want to meet anyone unless I’m very serious about them which is fair.

I think MN is VERY unrealistic on this topic in general. A thread the other day had suggestions of waiting till the kids finish uni to move in with a serious lifelong partner. I mean.

I would wait for them to ask & if they do, say “on a date” ?

I do agree mumsnet is not a place to ask for advice on this and doesn’t reflect real life, my mum dated when I was a teen none of us cared and we was happy she was happy! Didn’t expect her to remain single her entire life just because she was a single parent mumsnet isnt a good reflection of real life on this waiting till GCSE’s are over etc is crazy most teens wouldnt care.

That's what I do. My teenagers know I date people. No names, no specifics. In the beginning I was a bit uncomfortable about that, thinking I had to tell them where I was, etc. Then I realised they don't ask too many questions, because they don't want to know details. Now I keep everything vague, I tell them I'm going out and that's all.

Cant believe some of the comments- 18 months???

I would tell them straight away - I told mine and my DD wanted to see my profile so she did, and laughed!

I would tell them where I was going and what I was doing. No issues with them knowing what I am up to. They are basically adults!

DD is 17, she dates, I date. We talk about it. She only ever introduces me to boys she knows well, she might mention if someone likes her, but won't introduce me. I obviously keep a bit more of a lid of things with my dating, but she's very aware. Later teenagers cam spot within a moment if they've been away over night, come home and you've had someone else there. I don't advertise that fact and don't mention someone has stayed, but they know 😂 (well, think girls pick up on it more anyway)

I told mine after I'd been seeing my DP for about a month. One DS already knew him, as we met at the club he went to. He wasn't at all bothered, at least I knew he already liked him. My other DC weren't fussed either, they like him well enough, but don't see him often now they are working/at uni or college.

My dd teens are 16 and 17 and ive been transparent with them about dating since my divorce 3 years ago. Since they are both also navigating dating and relationships, it has been a really useful, sometimes funny, sometimes a bit sad experience for all of us together and im glad I have some understanding of what they are dealing with. It has definitely brought us closer, im a bit confused about why you'd want to keep this secret at all. Your job is to prepare your kids to navigate adult life, not hide it from them!

I’d keep it private as you can, not always possible and they may guess! Mine were only aware of one that I dated for nearly a year, most dates didn’t get past date two!, I was excited about dating and overshared with friends and colleagues and tbh I felt quite judged that I was viewed as always seeing different men, I wouldn’t want my teens to have that view about me either, I think I’d have a different approach if I was to take up dating again not just to DC but to be more private about it to anyone.

@smallsilvercloud I agree, I definitely wouldn’t talk to my teens about dating as much as other here do. Their dad went through a phase of dating women and them ending it after 2-3 weeks. My DD told me this and she could hear him on the phone to them. He then introduced them far too quickly to anyone who was with him for longer. My DD went horseriding with a woman and her daughter after a month, got on well and never saw her again. It’s affected how they see their dad and I would hate them to think the same of me. So I date when they’re not at home and they find out nothing until I want them to know.
When I left my last relationship my DD asked a lot of questions. We’d known each other for years so I had to tell her something, but finding the right balance of explaining why but not going into detail wasn’t easy. She’s still friends with his DD and teens talk about relationships at school a lot.

Precisely. With kids that age you really don’t need to sneak around, just tell them you’ve had a date. They don’t need details and they certainly don’t need to wait 18 months or have a slow introduction. Just go with the flow. So long as you’re not planning on living with them immediately it will make no difference either way to them if it lasts or not

Oh do me a favour, with teens???

Normal? And 'recommended' by whom?? Doing things that are considered 'normal' by others, irrespective of the needs and wishes of the individuals involved is really bloody stupid and ignores the fact that people are different. Use your judgement!

Agreed. 18months is ridiculous when you have a 15 year old and an adult child that’s probably also dating and you met their “date” or partner after 2months, lol.

The only thing I’d proceed with caution on irrespective of age is letting the man in my/our home and space, that one will probably be at least 6 months but if my sons asked if I was dating or saw me outside the house with a man I’d just say yes because one is an adult in his 20s and the other is 17.

My kids are similar ages, I've just started seeing someone new so I just dropped into conversation that I'll be going for dinner with someone. Different with younger kids, but with older ones I don't think it's something that needs to be hidden.