Consequences for people that cheat

[Isitvintage]

I’ve posted that I’ve left my partner who cheated and seemed to have strung myself and his ex along at the same time after the birth of our son.

I’ve left him, and I received a message from our female lodger that he is making a move on her.

I feel sick. She will leave the house in a few days, but I’m thinking to myself - he has been caught cheating, has been begging me to come back but it seems to be in his system to cheat. And clearly my decision to leave has zero affect on his behaviour.

Next week I’m going to message the other woman so that she can make an informed decision (she told me they are together. He denied it. And seemed to have convinced us not to contact eachother but he clearly thrives from silencing us).

I want to tell his whole family! Shame is such a huge thing for him and I wonder if them knowing he is a cheat and has 2 sets of kids will make him accountable.

I’ll claim CMS.

But I just can’t believe that there are almost zero consequences for a cheater.

Anyway - maybe this is just life.

IMHO an inferior culture has been embraced, the idea that what is good or vulnerable is not to be taken care of, what is bad and cruel is enabled and excused.

Long term this man has chosen hedonistic individualism rather than being in a family unit.

You have choices to make and I hope you think of the long term consequences.

I’d let the other woman keep him. She wins a cheating liar - that’s her prize.

I wouldn’t tell OW that he tried to shag the lodger. Surely OW deserves this man?

Families tend to be weird when it comes to these things.

But I have dropped a close friend after she told me she was cheating on her husband with another married man. She was so gleeful about it I realised I had no respect for her anymore

I don’t adhere to the keep it quiet and walk away mentality. I’d let people know. This is a man who according to your post kept another family from you, led his ex who has two sick children on, had a second other woman and is now after the lodger.

I wouldn’t be digging but I would be factually letting them know your side of the story for them to piece together what an utter sleaze he was and yes I would be tempted to inform his family. Maybe not by declaring it but not lying when you’re asked.

Tired of sleazy men just getting away with it because we take the ‘moral high ground’.

You’ve had to cope with so much deceit from this man and with a young baby, I hope you’re doing ok, it is such an utterly painful thing to go through.

There are sometimes consequences that we don’t see until much further down the line. I know a man who cheated on his wife throughout their 30 year marriage, she didn’t know but had suspicions on a couple of occasions. They retired abroad and were living a beautiful life until one day she caught him. He was thrown out of their villa and ended up back in the uk in temporary homeless accommodation. He eventually got a crappy council flat and over time the divorce was settled and he got a bit of money, not enough to buy a place though, he ended up wasting most of it - flashy car, gambling and drinking.

I'd tell the OW Op, he's happy to lie to any woman if it means he gets more sex, who knows what lies he told her to get her onside. At least you know the truth now, he has no loyalty to you or any woman

Dont contact the OW, if she is already aware of you anyway then it wont make any difference as she is used to him being a cheat so let her take the breadcrumbs now.

Do tell his family. They have a right to know if there are kids involved.
Do apply for cms.
Do NOT engage him in any discussions at all from now on and only talk through a solicitor or mediator.

She is used to him being a cheat so let her take the breadcrumbs now.

She has low standards, unlike you, she knows what she is taking on unlike you.

A cheat and a liar can never truly trust anyone. Because of their devious ways they believe that their partners are also devious. This usually shows up as jealousy or questioning behaviours which ultimately destroys the relationship. If you've ever been accused of cheating or lying and have been completely innocent you will know the feeling. I suggest you end it, because they are probably cheating.
The cheater and liar never ever feels safe. They can never relax and enjoy a relationship. This is karma in action

He's not just a cheat, he's predatory or opportunistic hitting on your lodger once you've moved out. It sounds like he tries to have sex with a woman if he's in her space. He sounds creepy.

Yes, if you're in contact with the ex, I'd let her know about his hitting on the lodger. He's a man of poor character and he'll leave a trail of unhappiness behind him. Broken relationships, innocent kids hurt, and for what? An orgasm.

Just have as little to do with him as possible and file for maintenance for your child.

I know a woman who cheated - is now getting divorced- will certainly have to sell the lovely family home, of her 2 kids one doesn’t want to know her anymore, so there are certainly consequences- but often down the line

Thanks all. I believe that the fact he hasn’t been exposed is what is enabling this behaviour. But he should have known that I’m not the quiet type. He has had zero accountability and thinks he can get away with it. It’s horrible and I’m annoyed at myself for not sussing it out earlier.

@Mysticguru you are right. He has been trying to win me back, and in his sorry messages he is constantly asking me if I will move on if I find another man. Who cares? Why does it have to be about looking for another man. I just want to focus on the child and myself and the people in my circle or who care.

A friend said I should do a name and Shame public social profile ! But you are all right, he will get what he deserves in the long run.