Am i being fed the script

[beingtakenforafool]

Name changed for this .On dh phone earlier & messages from someone he works with but he had deleted some? But kept his replies , all general chit chat but strange he deleted. When confronted said he deleted as knew what I would be like ?we go on each others phones all the time. I said deleting is suspicious, general chit chat with a colleague i would not care about. Obviously female colleague , now I know why she keeps coming up on facebook as someone you may know!! He swears nothing in it but later claims he found out she liked him so nipped conversations in the bud !! Coupled with this things have not been great, now i can see all the times he has picked an argument, been distant etc
now tonight he is sleeping downstairs as i got upset by all thats gone on and asked him if he wants to still be with me and be honest and he can’t deal with that and needs time to think
what do i expect next ? He admits coupled all together it seems suss but says he has done nothing wrong

Nobody deletes innocent messages.

You asked if he still wants to be with you and he said that he needs time to think??
Well, that says it all!

100% being fed the script! So sorry op but like a pp has said, no one deletes innocent messages.

Ok, he's going to use your suspicion to create further distance and at the same time blame you for causing a rift between you.

We all know you are trying to make sure the connection between you is strong, but he's going to gaslight you into believing this is a problem of your making.

You are not wrong to be suspicious, you know him well, you say he has been distracted, causing arguments and been distant, classic signs of pushing you away.

Know your worth, he will take you down a path of hell if you allow it.
He shouldn't have to be forced or coerced into commiting to you, it should be his want, his wish and his priority.

Thats what i said why delete ? he has only deleted her messages though and not his as you can’t easily do on messenger and he didn’t know how, which is what strange and messages from him very innocent, general chat and only over 2 days . Tbh with all of it i have just lost the plot and said i can make decision easy for him and told him to leave tomorrow and I never want to see or speak to him again ,anything from now on can be through solicitors, prob should have played it cooler but feel if he doesn’t want to be here , then go , don’t stay just so you have a roof over your head, financially it will be a struggle for me and he has nowhere to go but thats not my problem- we rent so no mortgage to sort. And i can pay the rent and bills / cover food just but can’t afford for anything to break or go wrong, but will get a bar job if thats what it takes

That last but is pretty much my feelings / thoughts. Honestly I don’t think anything physical has happened - yet! But i think a line has been crossed that can’t be uncrossed. Its shit timing as we have some financial issues as well so money will be very tight and xmas cancelled as i simply will not be able to afford presents, if he stayed in the house and contributed for a month or two would be easier but I don’t think i can live like that, it would hurt to much as I do love him, even if I don’t like him right now and to me done is done.

When did the two days of messages happen? Ditto the “someone you might know” on FB. If they weren’t recent have things improved?
Pro - his messages were innocent and general chit chat.
Cons - he needs time to think if he wants to be with you, him picking arguments etc.
I applaud your firm boundaries.

He’s off sleeping downstairs because he suddenly doesn’t know if he wants to be with you and needs time to think..? After you find pretty damning evidence somethings going on with someone else?

Nah. He‘s checked out and he’s trying to flip this on you. Don’t stand for it. I’d put money that he’s downstairs to get peace to text the OW and get his own ducks in a row/establish a story.

Messages Only a couple weeks ago. Coincides with the someone you may know !! I would say rocky patch a few months or so, but not just with me he has been like it , also a little bit with Dc who live at home , older teens/ young adults, but not as bad with them. He has checked out a little on life as well i would say and has suffered with depression so thought he was struggling again so have kind of let it go a bit. Strong boundaries I am trying to keep but emotion does get in the way. Also in hindsight im thinking maybe it be better i stay with my mum for a month or two and we sort the debts , then he goes. I prob should not make decisions whilst I am so angry but easier said than done as I do know I can be quite fiery and certainly am not perfect

You’ve every right to be fiery. I’m sorry this has happened to you.

If you stay with your mum where will he go?

He would stay in house temporarily but now i think be silly for me too leave and he created this so its his problem and i will have just have to juggle finances somehow. Was thinking if he stayed he could contunue to pay towards things as literally in 2 months we will have cleared some high financial commitments. I could stay for free at my mums. Its knowing what to do for the best, house in both names but rented so I can’t force him out as such, but he said he will go if thats what I want ? No mate its what you want really i am thinking

If you leave the rented property you might find it difficult to secure another one later on. If the house you are renting is suitable for your needs and in the location you are happy with then I would probably stay.

would you take your DC as well to your mum's ? why should you be the one to leave and not see them for two months everyday? ask him to leave and contribute to rent for a few more months ? He can move in with the OW