I have always been very independent and I grew up never expecting help. Hate asking someone for help because I can’t do something.
Husband is very helpful and loving, very willing to support, but I struggle to ask.
I’m currently being investigated for inflammatory arthritis and the pain associated with whatever it is means there are some jobs I can’t do any more. One of these is emptying our toilet (we live off grid).
Today for example I said to husband that this job needs doing and I can’t currently do it (my pain usually eases as the day goes on, which means I can do it later.) If it’s not done in the next half an hour I will have a problem because I’ll need to use the loo! But H won’t think of it until he needs to use it, and frankly he has the bladder of a camel. I could do it but it’ll hurt enough to make me cry out, and then he will say I should have asked him.
In my head, telling him a job needs doing is the same as asking him to do it, but in his head I don’t think it is, certainly not with any urgency. And I hate hate hate explicitly asking him to do this job because I can’t. I just want him to think “oh, if I don’t do that now, Embarrassed will not be able to have a wee, I’d better go and do it.”
How can I get past this? Asking explicitly makes me feel so guilty and helpless, weak, all that shit. It also feels as if he thinks I want him to do it because it’s not a very nice job, but although it isn’t my favourite, i’m used to it and it’s just part of how we live, so this really isn’t reflective of me not wanting to do it at all. I just want him to join the dots without me stating that I need his help on this one.