I’ve been struggling with something from my past, and I’d really appreciate some perspective.
Between 2014 and 2016, I became involved in a situation with a senior manager at my workplace. We weren’t in the same department, but he held a higher position than me, had influence across the organisation, and was well-respected. I was relatively junior.
At first, things felt friendly, but over time he started messaging me outside work, blurring boundaries, and giving me a lot of attention. Looking back, it was overwhelming and confusing - especially because I was young, insecure, and dealing with personal stress at the time. I didn’t have the best boundaries then, and I now realise he took advantage of that.
After a Christmas party, he kissed me. I didn’t want it, but I froze. What followed was months of love-bombing, pressure, emotional volatility, guilt-tripping, and constant messaging. Whenever I tried to pull away, he became pushy or distressed. I told him to stop contacting me several times, blocked him, but he found other ways to reach me. He also implied that colleagues “knew what was going on,” which made me feel exposed and unsafe at work.
Things escalated further during a work trip. I drank far more than usual - to the point of blackout - and woke up in his bed with no memory of how I got there or what happened. He described the night as “fun.” I still don’t know what actually occurred. I had flashbacks afterwards that terrified me.
After that, I felt very trapped. My anxiety at work skyrocketed. I was scared of him, scared of losing my job, and felt like I had no safe way to reject him properly because of his seniority and influence.
Eventually, I found a way to end it: I told him I would expose his behaviour. Only then did he stop.
I left the company in 2018.
He is now the managing director
Recently, I’ve revisited old messages and conversations from that period, and I can now see - much more clearly - that this wasn’t a “messy affair” or something I’m to blame for. It was a pattern of coercive behaviour by someone with more power, and I was caught in a situation I didn’t know how to manage.
I’ve carried a lot of shame for years because I felt complicit, even though I was overwhelmed and didn’t feel able to say no safely. But with distance, I can see the power imbalance and manipulation much more clearly.* *I’m concerned now because:
- He is now in an even more powerful role.
- I am worried he might behave the same way with others.
- I don’t know whether I should raise a safeguarding concern with the company (anonymously or via a solicitor).
- I also want to let go of the shame I’ve been carrying.
Has anyone been through something similar? Did you report it and what was the outcome? Especially when it happened a long time ago.