Am I being a dick?

[shdb]

My partner is absolutely amazing & a v, v good Dad. He’s always there for me etc.

Obviously we are all pretty hooked on our phones, but he’s started going on his phone if we’ve got visitors, gets it out when we go on a date (I make him put it away), he got it out during a pregnancy scan recently (he’d started chatting to customer services on it just before the scan. Surely could’ve waited until after to start the convo). I’ve been to the hospital a few times for iron infusion etc. He comes along for a bit and goes on and off his phone the whole Time. Still engaging with everyone etc, but on and off the phone. I never say anything, but found it a bit embarrassing at the scan tbh.

I mentioned to him just now that I hope he won’t be going on his phone the whole hospital stay after my C section as it’s embarrassing.

He’s throwing a fit about it saying how good he is, how much he looks after me etc. I’m not saying any of that’s untrue but the phone thing is separate to all of that..

Now I feel guilty that maybe I’m nit picking at him? He has a v stressful job and I know he needs to chill out etc but surely on your phone in front of others is rude?

It sounds as though he has phone addiction OP.
And like all addictions only he can do something about it: he needs to recognise his addiction and he needs to want to address it. His reaction when you brought the subject up is typical of someone who is not wanting to acknowledge that their own behaviour is problematic.
You need to talk to him about how this is affecting you and your relationship. And how it will impact his children and his relationship with them. And the importance of him being there for you mentally when you give birth.

I could have said exactly the same thing about my husband. Every time I bring it up he says "you're on your phone just as much as I am," which is not true but I'm on it enough for that to be plausible in his mind. I think the difference is that I put it down and look him in the face when he's talking to me, or when we're on a family walk or something. He also shows up in every other possible way for me and the kids (he's the more involved parent of the two of us) so I feel like I need to just not care about it. It's worth a conversation (or ten) - it hasn't really worked for me so far but I'll keep trying!

Seconding the other replies. It sounds like he has a problem, and if he’s that defensive when you’re asking for reasonable things then that’s hard.

Try to have a direct conversation with him where you clearly express what you want: “when we go for the scan, can you put your phone away while we’re in there. It’s an important moment and I’d really like you to be fully engaged with it with me.”

I know it sounds a bit belaboured and it’s better if he just recognises that important stuff is happening and he needs to be present, but setting out when, what you want him to do and why in a clear but non aggressive way might be a start.

He seems to have got into the habit of thinking that what's going on via his phone is real life, and is more important than what's going on in actual real life. Fiddling around with his phone while you were at the hospital having a scan is ridiculous.

There’s a dick in all those situations and it definitely isn’t yiu.

Urgh rude and obnoxious. He is an adult he needs to deal with his phone addiction. Being on your phone in important moments, when you have guests or when you are on a date is beyond inconsiderate. It's awful how insidious it is. It's only me and my daughter but we have no phones at the table for example. We went out for a nice meal on Saturday and it was almost reflexive how she kept reaching for her phone I told her 4 times to put it away. They are addictive, but he's a grown man.