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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being pressured to be intimate

6 replies

Maise24 · 22/11/2025 08:18

Bit of a back story. Me and my OH have 2 young children. I have PTSD from birth trauma and recently diagnosed adenomyosis. My sex drive has been low over the last few years but so has my husbands, things have been improving a little. As we have begun being intimate again he has not made any attempts to help me finish and its over very quickly. Recently I had an horrible ordeal at a&e getting a lost coil removed with lots of examinations and procedures etc which were very triggering and difficult. I went through it all alone as OH was home with the kids. I got back at 9pm after the consultant managed to get it out and then got up at 6am to go and work a 12 hour shift as a nurse. When I got home I put the kids to bed and fell asleep on the sofa, OH left me there. When I woke up around midnight I came to bed and he tried to initiate sx. I explained i was 100% not in the mood, exhausted, felt funny still after all the procedures, no contraception in now and just wasnt the time, felt gross hadn't even had the energy to brush my teeth. He flew off the handle and went into a huge sulk saying he isn't a freak for wanting to have sx and its what normal people in relationships want to do. He pressed himself to me for a while and tried to encourage me to be intimate but I really didnt want too and he then snapped at me and rolled over in a huff. Hes in a huge sulk this morning and snapping at me, rolling his eyes etc. I feel so sad. He only wants to lie on top of me for 2 mins then roll over and go to sleep but I just really didnt want to last night I was beyond tired and out of it from all the medications id had to get the coil out including codeine, morphine and diazepam.

Just curious as to whether others OH put pressure on them this way. It doesnt feel nice.

OP posts:
HappyintheHills · 22/11/2025 08:23

It’s not nice because it’s coercive behaviour.

He should be aiming for your enthusiastic consent. Has he ever satisfied you in bed?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/11/2025 08:24

It’s not nice.

Several things are happening- you have memories of bad experience which you need time, gentleness and patience to move on from. He is making no effort for you to enjoy sex. He is behaving badly and coercively with the sulking.

Book a chat. Sit together and talk about helping your sex life recover. Avoid blaming and judging- though you have every right to- as no one hears well when they have been criticised.

Talk about how you need him to help you recover and enjoy sex again. Talk about how he can help, and what makes you feel panicked.

If he can’t have that conversation nicely with you, then I’m afraid it’s over- you won’t trust him enough to risk him hurting you again.

SwishMyCape · 22/11/2025 08:29

Really sorry OP that sounds really traumatic episode. And then selfish thuggish behaviour from your DH.

To answer your question no. My DH does not do that and wouldn't.

I'm sorry your DH didn't show you love and tenderness after such an awful ordeal.

Pashazade · 22/11/2025 08:32

I think what PP has said, a proper conversation when you’re not knackered and feel a bit more human. But no he shouldn’t be putting pressure on you, he’s an idiot at best. I’d also explain (if you feel you have to) that the rejection isn’t personal, that sex is simply not on the cards because of how you feel that it is nothing to do with him per se. Although given his behaviour I can see how it might be. So yeah only you know if he’s not an utter knob normally.

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 22/11/2025 08:34

Pressurising you into having sex is wrong.

But I find it actually really concerning that he obviously didn't give a damn about your horrible and painful very recent experience having the coil removed.

His actions are not those of a man who cares about you or loves you.

If you have a conversation with him and he can't or won't understand how selfish and uncaring he is being then I don't see a future for your marriage.

THEbiggestsmallpersonyouwillmeet · 22/11/2025 08:35

Has he form for this?

My xp used to be like this, he ended up having sex with me while I was asleep

It is not ok op

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