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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage is a joke

9 replies

Itsalmostchristmasagain · 21/11/2025 23:07

I am absolutely at the end of my tether, my husband of 13 years has zero respect for me and clearly couldn’t give a toss about me. We have three children and he’s just so selfish and offensive. I’ll never forget him calling me a ‘stupid c**t’ the night before I was due a section with our third child. He now tells me that at most he feels a ‘mild dislike’ towards me and that he doesn’t love me. I feel stupid typing this as clearly I would tell anyone to leave this situation, however I’m worried about the impact on the children and financial implications. He hasn’t had his vehicle MOT’d , so is now out of date, but somehow that’s also my fault that he has no money and I didn’t book it in. The final straw has been that he’s due an operation in a few weeks time and has chosen his mother to take him despite me making arrangements with work and for childcare etc. She is completely on his side and to be honest - a nightmare. Don’t really know what I’m asking, but just feel so sad and alone right now as we work for the same organisation and don’t feel able to be honest with anyone. 😔

OP posts:
AnotherDelphinium · 21/11/2025 23:16

I don’t want to read and run, but it doesn’t sound like a great environment for your children, or to be modelling a good example for them.

Could you look more into the financial implications and what support you’d be entitled to whilst you got back on your feet.

CheeseyOnionPie · 21/11/2025 23:18

I think it’s best for him to go and live with his mummy.

BigOrangeBaby · 21/11/2025 23:21

You deserve better than this OP. There is no way on earth you should be living with a partner who treats you so appallingly.
I know it’s difficult to leave but it can be done and it will be the best thing you can do for your children as well as for yourself.
Do you have anyone you can talk to IRL about this and start to put a plan together to escape?

Itsalmostchristmasagain · 21/11/2025 23:25

AnotherDelphinium · 21/11/2025 23:16

I don’t want to read and run, but it doesn’t sound like a great environment for your children, or to be modelling a good example for them.

Could you look more into the financial implications and what support you’d be entitled to whilst you got back on your feet.

Thank you for your reply - I do agree and would advise exactly the same - it’s just so hard when I think about the upheaval. Something needs to charge otherwise I’m facing the test of my life without genuine love or care…

OP posts:
Itsalmostchristmasagain · 21/11/2025 23:28

CheeseyOnionPie · 21/11/2025 23:18

I think it’s best for him to go and live with his mummy.

🤣 I am thinking the same! He’s an only child and she was / is a single parent to him - I’m not saying that automatically results in this situation, but I do think it’s a factor.

OP posts:
Itsalmostchristmasagain · 21/11/2025 23:34

BigOrangeBaby · 21/11/2025 23:21

You deserve better than this OP. There is no way on earth you should be living with a partner who treats you so appallingly.
I know it’s difficult to leave but it can be done and it will be the best thing you can do for your children as well as for yourself.
Do you have anyone you can talk to IRL about this and start to put a plan together to escape?

Thank you for your reply and kind words. I don’t have anyone to talk to, other than my mum but she’ll be so worried if I tell her the truth. I know 100% you are right, it’s just the guilt. He tells me no one would be interested in me with three kids - not that I am vaguely interested in finding another man. I’ve recently lost 4 stone (through diet) and he literally hasn’t mentioned it - he doesn’t ask what kind of day I’ve had - I was stuck in snow on Wednesday and there was no concern whatsoever. I hear colleagues caring about their other halves and I can’t believe how considerate they are! Sorry - just feeling sad.

OP posts:
cannyvalley · 21/11/2025 23:37

You deserve so much better than this. I hope you are thinking carefully about how you can extract yourself from this situation. Xx

Itsalmostchristmasagain · 21/11/2025 23:41

cannyvalley · 21/11/2025 23:37

You deserve so much better than this. I hope you are thinking carefully about how you can extract yourself from this situation. Xx

Thank you - I am. I think the reality of the situation is dawning on me - he will never change and I can’t live like this.

OP posts:
BigOrangeBaby · 22/11/2025 00:02

What would you have to feel guilty about? He sounds like such a horrible person.

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