Opinions on if cheating

[christmasqueen8]

My husband was at work and finishes at usual time.
I was out with mates and I know I am going to get told off on here but I checked his location. Bad I know but something just feels off.
Anyway as I said I wasn’t home but from his work finishing he went to another area where we live two miles away from work location. Unless sat signal on phone playing up? He didn’t have car that day I had so he was going to get taxi home after work but he got taxi home about two hours later ? From work location or other location? He was friendly when I got in and said he had stayed at work for a while and he hadn’t brought his work bag home he said they let him leave it there. This is unusual.
i know he works with a particular lady once a week who I have met and never thought anything of but something feels different and the address location was showing was near her main work site which I found out through investigation. Something he is saying he was at work a couple of hours longer and then went home but left his bag there.
Something is bothering me about this particular day. I haven’t mentioned as we went through a rocky patch several years ago and we worked it out and he has promised he loves me etc but I am hyper vigilant now so sometimes I’m not sure I am overthinking.
opinions please and what can I do to find out without him knowing as don’t want to blow up nothing. Please don’t say you shouldn’t be with him if you don’t trust as I know you are 100 percent right but I can’t leave him unless what I’ve got is concrete and if I ask he will get smarter.

Anyone got any advice

Wdll i can see why ypu are suuspicious OP.

Did the problems you had in the past involve him cheating on you?

I know you say you don't want to blow up the marriage when you have no concrete proof but honestly if you can't talk to him about the things that worry you about that evening your relationship isnt worth much any way. And ypur distrust of him will eat away at you.
I think you really need to talk to him.

I can see why you are suspicious op. Do you feel generally the relationship is ok at this point? I think I’d have a talk about the relationship in general, how you feel about things, etc, see how he’s feeling. I wouldn’t mention the location thing at this time, but I’d keep an eye on it.

Was your rocky patch caused by him cheating on you?

Some relationships can’t survive that. Apologies and promises can’t replace the trust that has been destroyed. When someone stays with a cheat the relationship can never be the same as it was, they know their partner is capable of wilfully and selfishly hurting them. They have no guarantee that it won’t happen again.

I do understand why people want concrete proof that their partner has done something bad enough to end the relationship. We need to know we aren’t throwing the relationship away based on a misunderstanding. But if you don’t trust someone that isn’t a misunderstanding, that’s how you feel. There’s usually a good reason for feeling that way, or perhaps lots of little reasons, all those red flags which even if small add up. Even if there aren’t flags, if you don’t trust someone you don’t trust them and nothing can be said to change that. And I think if that is how you feel, you should think about leaving and give yourself the chance of finding someone you don’t mistrust.

Haven't you posted about this before? The work bag being left thing rings familiar.

This is ridiculous.

Just ask the man.

There is absolutely no point in being married to someone you can't talk to.

You're a wife, not a detective and this sort of thing will eat you up unless you nip it in the bud right now.

No but was unusual. I think he has done this sort of thing with work bag before but rarely?
Also after that particular day he was sending me lots of heart emojis which he does normally but it was more over the few days after that day his location and what he said didn’t add up.

Yes you are right but not going to ask yet for reasons given as he will cover his tracks and I want to be sure I’m not overthinking from my past.
you sound strong. Wish I was too but lost that previously and my mental health has been poor. Something I keep to myself even though I come from a big family of sisters I would not tell anyone how bad I have felt.

almost he was stepping on dangerous territory with a female friend and had been out with her on own without my knowledge. Both denied but it was too friendly. Not what I would have done.
He went from a person I knew to someone I did not know for a short while. I think his head had been turned and I’m not sure of all the details but it ruined me. I was happy and excited for life. It’s a long story and along time ago but I was in a very bad way and sometimes that comes back.

You sure? Because the details in this thread are very similar, even a similar username and manner of typing, identical timeframes and distances.

I have posted on Mumsnet before but under different name as worried about been identified but not about this situation.
Why are you interested in that?

I suspect because they're saying if this has been eating you up for 2 weeks and you suffer from poor mental health, nothing is going to get better unless you take control.

In this case, taking control would mean actually speaking to him about what you know.

I don’t want to discuss with him at present. I will leave relationship if I have concrete evidence and I have other things to consider. It’s not as easy for me as some people find it.

surely if your relationship as at the point where you are convinced he is doing wrong, then the relationship is over. You don't trust him, if he has done something wrong or not, has kind of become irrelevant. You cant carry on living this way really.

Yes you’re right

But is this not the same situation?

Or has he done this twice now?

Because if it was you then the advice would be exactly the same this time as it was that time - which was overwhelmingly that if you've reached the point where you feel the need to track your significant other, your relationship is already dead.

Does he know you have a location finder, if so why not just pull the location up and ask where he was to his face? My DH is always next door according to find my friends but it’s never 2 miles out? We both have our locations turned on, but both know about it.

It really is no relationship when you’re permanently trying to catch him out?