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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed up of men

38 replies

MunchingMum · 20/11/2025 20:57

Some days I feel like they are all the same - selfish.

I’m on the verge of separating from the father of my children because I can’t deal with how he puts himself first financially, emotionally and when it comes to time.

I do the lion’s share of everything. All the shopping. All the cooking. All the school runs, the homework, the housework, the kids parties, the MENTAL LOAD.

And then, whinging to my friend, she’s just burst into tears because her husband has walked out on her and their three kids for another women.

Am going to buy her this. Because his is a NOB.

Sorry for the rant. Just… aurghhhhhhh!!!!

Fed up of men
OP posts:
ChamonixMountainBum · 21/11/2025 11:41

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 21/11/2025 10:13

I'm fully in favour of calling out/shaming/rejecting people who behave badly - which would indeed include a lot of men (and not a few women).

I'm just not a fan of lazy prejudicial stereotypes which seek to tar an entire large section of society with one brush based on the terrible behaviour of a proportion of them - whilst also seeking to claim that nobody from a different large section of society could be anything but blameless.

I like to consider people as individuals and judge them as such on their choices and actions and whether I wish to associate with them; but maybe that's just me. Nobody is forcing anybody to like/date/associate with/form relationships with anybody from any specific section of society if they don't want to.

This place can get a bit echo chamber-ish as generally women don't come on here to say how awesome their husbands/boyfriends are, it is almost 90% threads about shit behaviour from the men in their lives and if that is all you are reading on a day to day basis it is probably going to skewer your perspective a bit. It is absolutely no different to going over to piston heads or football 365 forums where men constantly moan about how crap their partners / ex's are. I suspect on both forums there is also an element of biased interpretation whereby the OP's are treated as a witness to fact whereby the reality is that it is human nature to play down ones own faults and poor behaviour and exaggerate the transgressions of all other parties involved in order to frame yourself in a more positive light. Anecdotally, I am old enough now to have sadly witnessed the break ups of many couples who's weddings I attended in my 20s and it is mixed bag of amicable separations and some absolute shithouse behaviour by both the men and women involved causing said breakup.

Tillow4ever · 21/11/2025 12:59

PInkyStarfish · 20/11/2025 21:44

Poor choices get poor results, unfortunately.

Aim higher next time you set your sights on a man.

Do you always say the first cuntish thing that pops into your head?

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 21/11/2025 16:11

Women live in a very different world from men, so it is false equivalence to equate women's justified concerns about men to the whining of men about women not fucking them enough or "nagging" them to contribute equally to the household labour.

On average, men are twice as strong in the arms and a third stronger in the legs than women. On average, a woman will not be able to fight off a determined attack from a man. Women learn quickly in life that men are physically dangerous, either from direct experience and/or from watching the aggression of men towards others. They see the appeasing behaviour of women towards men from their own mothers and other women around them. They see that men get away with sexual violence towards them and other women most of the time: only 5% of reported rapes in the UK are prosecuted; only half of those perpetrators are convicted; and on average the perpetrators will only serve 3 years of their 9 year prison sentence. Women see that men are almost unique in their heinous capacity for family annihilation - witness recent cases where a father tied up his 3 little daughters' hands with cable ties and suffocated them, or burned his wife and children to death in a car by dousing them with petrol.

Men are not afraid of women hitting them, or raping them, or killing them, or killing their children. Men don't get sexually harassed and looked at like a piece of uncovered meat from the age of 7. Men don't grow up afraid of walking at night or on an isolated beach or going to a public restroom.

The physical danger men pose to women is so profound and so systemic that it shapes everything women do. We're forced to centralise men because they are a real and significant threat to us and we're scared of them.

We're also coming out from centuries of brutal systemic oppression of women, where women had few legal rights and were completely economically dependent on men. They had no redress if their husband beat them or raped them. They had to stay silent and endure. If they spoke up or resisted, they were killed, banished without access to their children, even stuck in an insane asylum and lobotomised, generally shunned by the community, and forced into complete poverty.

And sex is a completely different ballgame for women than it is for men. Women run a serious risk of physical injury and disease when they have sex. Sex leads to pregnancy and childbirth, which can kill women or leave them with permanent and life-changing physical injuries: a third of women who give birth will have persistent urinary incontinence, 10% will have persistent fecal incontinence, and 10% will require treatment for pelvic prolapse in their lifetime. And thank god abortion is legal now - which it was NOT for a very long time and these rights to essential female healthcare are being rolled back as we speak - but many women feel grief at having to have an abortion, a burden that is neither felt nor considered by the many men who do all they can to trick, cajole, guilt, coerce, and force women into having unprotected sex. Sex also comes with the risk of STIs, which disproportionately affect women physically: women are three times more likely to be infected, much more likely to become infertile because of STIs, and untreated STIs - many of which are silent, especially in women - can cause very significant long term health problems in women such as pelvic inflammatory disease, chronic pain, and cancer: on average, women lose 44 times more quality-adjusted life years to chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and trichomoniasis than men.

Women are also often literally left holding the baby when they do have children. One in four families in the UK are single-parent families; 90% of these headed by women; and 46% of men in the UK who should be paying child support do not. That equals significant and large scale economic disenfranchisement of women, because kids are expensive. It is also a major cause of child poverty: if men paid up, 60% of the single-parent households that are in poverty in the UK today wouldn't be in poverty.

Then we have the orgasm gap, where 95% of men and 65% of women usually or always orgasm in every sexual encounter.

Then we have the inequity in household labour, where full-time working women spend 10 hours a week on household work compared to 5 hours for full-time working men. This is time stolen by men from women.

And the childcare gap: women in the US spend 5 hours a day with their children vs 3 hours a day for men. And that's not considering the mental labour that is disproportionately on women: in terms of the SELF-reported contribution to the daily domestic cognitive labour involved in parenting, mothers do 79% and the fathers do 37%.

And the fact that 31% of men with a sick wife leave her vs 3% of women with a sick husband leave him.

I could go on and on.

It is false equivalence to equate the relational difficulties that women have with men to the relational difficulties that men have with women. This is not a case of "they're both to blame". There is a major problem with the way men have been socialised, there is a major problem with how they get away with violence and aggression against women, there is a major problem with the way they view and treat women, there is a major problem with how much misery and hardship they cause women and children.

Subwaystop · 21/11/2025 19:02

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 21/11/2025 10:13

I'm fully in favour of calling out/shaming/rejecting people who behave badly - which would indeed include a lot of men (and not a few women).

I'm just not a fan of lazy prejudicial stereotypes which seek to tar an entire large section of society with one brush based on the terrible behaviour of a proportion of them - whilst also seeking to claim that nobody from a different large section of society could be anything but blameless.

I like to consider people as individuals and judge them as such on their choices and actions and whether I wish to associate with them; but maybe that's just me. Nobody is forcing anybody to like/date/associate with/form relationships with anybody from any specific section of society if they don't want to.

For someone not a fan of lazy stereotypes, you sure were quick to lean on them with the tired “if men did this!” reversal. The other user had a thoughtful critique that reflected trends that women everywhere experience - with exceptions, yes, but the gist of it was an important and real observation. Women the world over stretch themselves longer and harder than men and are often abysmally disappointed while being grateful for crumbs.

meanwhile your reply said nothing. Just lazy spurious arguments that anyone with a bit of thinking can see through. Women and men aren’t equal and so our complaints are not the same as the Andrew Tate crowd. Women are an oppressed class, dealing with eons of internalized baggage, and when we voice a bit of reflection of how unequal things are (and they ARE) it is nothing like men griping about not having a female sex machine to own. Arguments like yours get so boring after a while. They might as well be made by bots, they are so copy pasta.

Women can hold the truth that we aren’t perfect alongside our ability to recognize systemic oppression at the same time. We don’t need you to come flying in to remind us that not all women are perfect etc etc.

Judecb · 21/11/2025 19:15

Quietly start investigating your financial reality were you to separate.
He obviously brings nothing to the table.

AnnalynB · 21/11/2025 19:24

PInkyStarfish · 20/11/2025 21:44

Poor choices get poor results, unfortunately.

Aim higher next time you set your sights on a man.

Wow - helpful comment of the year award goes to you! Would you say this to her face? Unfortunately some men are experts in pretending to be the perfect family man until the children come along!

LoveSandbanks · 21/11/2025 19:38

JHound · 20/11/2025 23:30

What a disgusting response

I think this site has been invaded by bots today. On another thread someone is telling the op that punching walls isn’t violence and that everyone throws things etc when angry …

HermitCrabby · 21/11/2025 19:40

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta Thank you for your amazing post, which sums up so much of what is wrong with society. Equality is still far off!

Yamamm · 21/11/2025 19:40

Many of The most wonderful human beings to ever have lived are men. I love and adore many of them. I love them for their strengths and focus and wisdom and humour and talent.
But I just see them taking and taking from women so treat them with caution and never ever want to live with one again if I don’t have to.

Mummadeze · 21/11/2025 19:42

I actually haven’t met many I respect or trust. I used to overlook or excuse lots of things but honestly, I was being too kind.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 21/11/2025 19:43

PInkyStarfish · 20/11/2025 21:44

Poor choices get poor results, unfortunately.

Aim higher next time you set your sights on a man.

Ew Reaction GIF

😕

mumofoneAloneandwell · 21/11/2025 19:44
Jennifer Lopez Eyes GIF by American Idol

I'm right with you op

Some are alright. But the rest

Terrible gender

JHound · 22/11/2025 09:09

LoveSandbanks · 21/11/2025 19:38

I think this site has been invaded by bots today. On another thread someone is telling the op that punching walls isn’t violence and that everyone throws things etc when angry …

Good God!

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