Starting over at 35

[sunflower751]

Hi All

I’m in a really dark place at the moment, my marriage (relationship of 15 years) has ended this week.

I am turning 35 in February and feel like my life is over. I’m so angry that my husband has wasted these years of my life.
I had hoped to have a family but know I’m not strong enough to do this on my own and don’t have the finances.

Please can you share your positive stories? Did you start over in your 30s and still find love?

I am terrified and so sad. I’m not sure I want to carry on. X

I met my (now ex) husband at 36 and had a baby at 41. We are currently divorcing but had a good relationship (marred by other factors) and will be good co-parents.

You can definitely start over in your 30’s.

Thanks so much for your reply, I am really struggling. I’m sorry to hear about your divorce but it’s so nice to hear you had a baby at 41. I have PCOS so I’m worried my chances are even less with someone x

Sorry that you’re going through that. It’s hard because obviously you need time to heal but also are aware of the time passing.

I had a breakup of a long term relationship at 34. I started dating about 6 months later, trying to be intentional about taking things slow and keeping options open while also avoiding time wasters. Instead I fell in love with a highly unsuitable FWB from years before. Decided to risk it and we spent 5 years growing closer while he got himself sorted, moved in together and had a baby just as I turned 40, which did take a year to happen. Very happy to be one and done so feel as if the risk paid off.

So you do have time, even without making completely efficient and optimal choices! Obviously fertility is very individual, if I were you I’d arrange fertility testing and therapy to see where you are physically and start healing psychologically, then give yourself a bit of space before you feel too much pressure to date. But then be strategic, I’d even move cities or change jobs to increase good dating opportunities if you need to.

Hang on in there OP - i didnt get together with my DH until i was 34 and hadnt had a serious relationship at all before then so was about to give up!

So sorry you're going through it, I know it can feel like the world is ending but you're still young.

Not my own story but a friend's, she went through a horrible breakup at 34, really thought she'd never find anyone else and had resigned herself to being single and childless. Was a really bleak time for her.

She met her now husband a few years later and they are so well matched for one another they're almost annoying! She's currently 43 and pregnant with their second.

You've got time, but for now just take time to heal and do nice things for yourself 💐

Just wanted to send some love. I’m 4 months after a really nasty breakup from a 15 year marriage. Time definitely helps: just take one day at a time xx

I am you - I called off a wedding age 34 because I realised I couldn’t have a stable, happy life with my then partner. It was terrifying, and I understand your fear. But, as others have said, whilst time feels it’s escaping us in our thirties, it’s also what is needed to heal. My advice for a little while, would be to live one day at a time. Re-find yourself outside of a marriage. What do you like to do, who are you, what makes you happy. Figuring out those things can help to realign your path. Please do reach out if it helps, you aren’t alone in your feelings, and things will be brighter, I promise.

The best thing I ever did was promise myself that I wouldn'd date for a year. It was the greatest gift I gave to myself.
I realised I could live by myself quite happily. I got a whole new list of what I expected in a man.
I wish you well