Child in Need Plan (Ex Partner Not Following S.S Advice)

[DadNotMom2025]

Hi there.

My former partner & I are currently engaged with children's services regarding our child.
One of the key points made by a social worker is that advice has been given to my former partner. The advice that she has been given is as follows:

Not to allow new boyfriend to have any contact with our child until the relevant background checks are completed, and social worker is satisfied with the outcome of them.

It has come to my attention, in the form of a video that has been sent to me, that my former partner is indeed allowing her new boyfriend to have contact with our child. This video shows my former partner & her boyfriend in her home together late at night. In this video they are seen leaving the building (therefore leaving the sleeping child unattended) to smoke a cigarette. The sleeping child (and the only child in the household) could be heard coughing in the background.

Whilst there is no court order in place that legally obligates my former partner to follow the advice of the social worker, I am concerned as it is my opinion that by choosing not to follow the advice of the social worker, they are somewhat showing that this new relationship (3 months), is more important than the welfare of our child.

Can someone advise what would be the best course of action?

Thank you.
Concerned Parent.

Why are you both on the plan? Is custody shared? How old is your child?

The child is on the plan, and the OP is one of the parents.

OP you should continue to work with the social worker. If there is a serious risk to DC you could consider applying to court for main care of them.

You wouldnt ask that of the mother would you?

The child is subject to CHIN procedures, the child has 2 parents, quite rightly both are or should be, working with social services

OP, you just have to update the SW, share the information. Its not really groundbreaking but does form part of the assessment. Lets hope the man is safe but police checks wont necessarily show that anyway.

So you have a video of your ex and her boyfriend IN HER HOME and then having a smoke outside? Is this YOU stalking her? Or someone else?

Putting that aside, a boyfriend in the house after the child is asleep is NOT the boyfriend having contact with the child. A cigarette outside the house, where the child can still be heard, seems like a non-issue to me too.

If you have genuine concerns for the safety of your child, please confirm that, but right now it looks like you're spying on your ex, invading her privacy, and desperate to find a way to "get her".

I am a little annoyed that people have come to me with a video of what looks like a social media broadcast live on the air. I am simply trying to work alongside the social worker, and the school to give my child a stable & consistent life, I would rather not be sent videos of my former partner & her new boyfriend. However, I am also conscious that this does indeed show my former partner not following the advice given. If I take this information to the social worker, what is the social worker likely to do in this event? My former partner has a history of lying to professional bodies out of fear.

If you think that your ex partner is doing something dangerous, then yes, pass it along ot the social worker.

A CHIN plan is not statutory in that a parent can refuse to engage.

If the threshold is met to consider the child is at risk of significant harm then the network may decide to consider a strategy discussion where an outcome would be to take the case to conference to decide if the child should be subject to a child protection plan

However, there needs to be evidence of that, given you dont know or you havent said if the man is a risk of any sort, its not likely

She is foolish and some of the minimising by other posters is naive at best. A man 'having a cigarette outside while the child is asleep' is almost certainly involved in the child's life to some degree and certainly the mums life in any case so why not be above board and wait for the agency checks to come through but then she can have a relationship with anyone she wants

You don't give very much background as to why your child is on a CIN. There are multiple different possibilities.

One of those possibilities is that your child is on a CIN because her mother is neglectful. Another of the possibilities is that the CIN is because the mother has a history of terrible relationships with dangerous men. If either of those is the case, then the mother not following SS recommendations is something you should raise directly with SS as soon as you can, and never mind what they are "likely to do" - the priority is that they know.

Another of those possibilities is that the child is on a CIN because of previous DA or "implacable hostility" between you and the mother, and SS have made a number of recommendations that will allow both of you to stop being so suspicious of each other. If that is the case then being sent a video by an unspecified person so that you can monitor your ex going out for a fag is not going to help your cause.

These are not even the only possibilities so as I say without a bit more detail it's impossible to say.

It also makes a difference how old the child is, which would be a useful detail if you want predictions as to how SS might react to the information. But ultimately if you have concerns then you should raise them.

I would absolutely ask those questions of the mother @soupyspoon

@WiggyPig has typed a few of the many possibilities that entered my mind around why the CiN plan is in place, therefore the advice differs accordingly.

You would absolutely not ask why a mother is part of the plan for a child in need.

Custody doesnt come into it, both parents, if they are both around are part of the plan to meet the child's needs.

As above, why the child is on the plan is relevant. Is the plan specific to this new boyfriend for example. Is it to do with you as a couple or one or both parents. There are so many possibilities and advice will vary

So you know me better than I know myself.

Ok 🤦🏻‍♀️

Both parents are part of the plan but the reason for the plan may not be due to both parents. A child can be on the plan due to one or both or even other family members or people possibly in their life. It’s relevant and absolutely you’d ask the same question if it was a mother posting this

If you have concerns, pass them to social work and they will take it up with mum. That’s all you need to do here - what happens next isn’t your business. It’s not remotely unusual for parents (both parents) to lie to social workers, they’ll take the video in the context of any other concerns and deal with it.