Thoughts on relatives who never kept in touch

[Newnamenecessary]

(I’ve named changed for this)

I grew up without contact with my biological father following his divorce from my mum when I was about 2 o 3. They were married for 5 years before they had me and tried for children for a while before I came along so it wasn’t a flash in a pan relationship time wise. I don’t want contact now, but sometimes I wonder if his family—like siblings—ever thought about me, or why they never tried to keep in touch. I’m in my 40s now, an only child, and as a parent myself I can’t really get my head around why his family never tried to maintain contact even if he wasn’t bothered. The divorce wasn’t amicable but he was meant to share custody, he just never bothered and left the country when I was about 5 I think so that was that. His parents would be long gone now but I am aware he was one of 7 siblings so did have a big extended family.

If you have a family member who had/has no contact with their child, do you ever wonder about them as an adult?

How horrible. My uncles don't bother with me since my mum died 17 years ago and even that makes me feel rejected and lonely. I can't understand your relatives at all.

My uncle doesn’t speak to me since I put my mum in a care home. He didn’t offer any support but thought my dad should struggle on. I got the blame… his loss as I’m nice!

I used to wonder this when I was younger. I think the reality is that for many people it’s ’out of sight out of mind’. If you’re not part of their day to day lives people rarely take the time to think about you.
If they do they can feel the passage of time is too much to make contact and decide not to. They don’t know what reaction they’ll get so the fear of a negative one stops them reaching out. Then years pass by.
It’s usually only funerals which bring people back together. Sometimes that’s when reconnection can happen. Sometimes people say the right things and even intend to keep in touch, then life gets in the way and they don’t.
It’s rarely about you. Try not to take it personally.

With the exception of one cousin, I have spoken to none of my wider family since my DF died 12 years ago.

I'd be lying if I said I felt any loss.