Help?

[Yourcasualgirl]

So ive been with my partner for 5 years, he doesn't work, he doesn't help out round the house(cleaning, paying bills, walking dogs, washing etc) I'm currently 38 Weeks pregnant and he's still not pulling his weight. I'm having crap nights sleep and I'll go sleep on the sofa which is super uncomfortable, the odd night he will sleep on the sofa but it's mainly me then I have to wake up and do everything round the house and if there is something I don't want to do I have to ask him to do things which is annoying I feel like I shouldn't have to considering he lives in the house with me! He just sits there on his phone constantly and I mean constantly! I've said to him we need to discuss chores when the baby is here as I will NOT being doing it by myself, I would rather struggle being alone than have him around me watching me struggle. What things can I make him do when the baby arrives? I can not contine to live like this, it's bringing to much stress to me and it's not fair. PLEASE HELP!!

This would be a deal breaker for me, do you really want to be supporting 2 children for the rest of this “relationship”

Your supposed to be his partner not his mother.

No it isn't fair. But has he been like this the whole time and you thought he would magically change? Or was he good and then he got lazy over time?

You're fighting a losing battle with this one. If he's happy to watch you doing everything and sleeping on the sofa while ready-to-pop-pregnant he's not going to magically change when you actually do pop is he?

Has he always been a lazy unemployed bum? If so, what made you choose him to procreate with? Or was he alright until you got pregnant? I know some men can change on a dime when they think you're locked down.

I’m sorry to say that you can’t make him do anything if he isn’t already doing it. When the baby arrives it’s not going to suddenly get better. Why are you still in a relationship and living with him? He isn’t a partner! He’s not doing his part.

I would spend the next couple of weeks getting some support sorted out that isn’t him. Family, friends? And kick him out.

No he hasn't always been like this, he would help out with dogs, Give me money towards bills. But it's stopped I would say in the last year or so, I'm at that uncomfortable stage and I constantly make this known but I get nothing. I feel like I actually get more help from my small handful of girls than I do him! I do want a family home but I can't continue like this. He really needs to pull his weight but I'm fed up of repeating myself to him! Like i feel like it's the bear minimum me asking him to walk dogs or take bins out when I literally do everything! 🙄

What’s a handful of girls, your young daughters?

Why isn't he working? That would be point one for me, you're having a baby so unless he has a good reason to be out of work he needs to get a job and contribute financially, not just giving you a bit of money here and there like he's a bloody lodger.

@Yourcasualgirl he has been like this then, as “helping out” with the dogs and giving you money towards bills is still not even doing his share.

What does he bring to the partnership? Or does he just add to your workload?? What are the positives he brings to your relationship?

"handful of girls" meaning a handful of friends. I've told him he needs to go get a job, he doesn't do anything. I know I don't help myself by sticking with him. I've told him numerous of times he doesn't bring anything to the partnership, he just says he will do more when I know deep down he most likely isn't. Like I said I want a family home but its hard work.

You can have a family home. You and your baby are a family. Telling him isn’t working, it’s time to show him where your boundaries are.

I'd tell him he needs to leave, because the baby is going to need your attention and you can't be acting like a housemaid to him at the same time. He can come and see the baby and help as a parent, or he can fuck off.

You need to fuck him off

It will not get better

You are going to be at breaking point when you've got a bum on your sofa and you're sleep deprived with a newborn and the house is a shit tip. Do yourself a favour and get rid of him before you're in this situation.

I agree with the others, tell him to go now. Your life will be so much easier without him, it will just be you and the baby.

If all he did before was to help out with a dog and give you some money towards bills then he's always been that way. He never contributed his fair share financially or otherwise, he never did the chores.

He's a user and you're still there. Why would he change? You need to make it clear to him that he either needs to seriously step up or you're leaving. He brings NOTHING to the table but trouble.

He's a cocklodger, and it's going to be horrific for you once the baby comes and you're properly sleep deprived

And you are having a child with this prince? He’s a child himself by the sound of it. You are not his mother - he shapes up, or ship him out!

You need to give him his marching orders, he’s a complete lazy twat and won’t change. The first few months of having a new baby is challenging. However one baby is better than coping with two. Congratulations btw. 💐

I’m sorry. You won’t be able to ‘make him’ do anything, he’ll only do what he wants to. And he clearly doesn’t want to do anything for you. I’d call him an arsewipe, but that is actually useful 😡

Did he have a job when he moved in with you, I'm wondering why you'd let an unemployed man live with you, it's obvious he'll be a sponger. Is it your house, can you kick him out.

I think you know what you need to do!

Send him out of the house on a lengthy errand, get friend to help you pack his shit into bin bags, put them outside the front door for him to take with him. Job done. In all seriousness. Then work on getting support in place for the first few months with your baby - can anyone stay with you, offer regular support so yiu can get some sleep/me-time?

This is madness. Who pays for your food, bills, etc.? Who will be paying for the stuff baby needs???? And why on earth would you have a child with someone like that...
Whose house it is anyway?

Honestly I would be kicking him out / leaving.

What is the point of him?