Partner working away - any advice on managing transition?

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DH has recently started a new job. Until now, I've always been the breadwinner and he's been more flexible for the kids. We have 3 children, aged 10, 8 and 4 months. I'm on mat leave but due to return to work in 2 months.

DH loves his new job, I've never seen him so happy and fulfilled in a career; I'm pleased for him, since he's had a couple of difficult roles previously. However, new job involves him working away for chunks of time (3 weeks away usually). I'm finding the transition really difficult; a few days before he goes and a few days after he's back, I feel hugely resentful and miserable.

Once he's away, I settle into a routine; it's difficult and lonely but do-able. Once he's back, we eventually settle back into a routine of him being around (he's very helpful and involved when he's home).

But the transitions are killing me. It's like having to get used to all the minor irritants of living with another adult every month or so. I get into my own routine when he's away and he comes back and messes it all up (i.e. I meal plan to stay on top of cooking and shopping, but when he's back, he likes to cook, which is lovely but then he uses up stuff, doesn't replace it etc.). It sounds petty but I'm really struggling with this emotionally. I want to be pleased he's home, but I honestly just find his presence really irritating until I've acclimatised to having him back around. Has anyone experienced similar and does anyone have any thoughts on how to manage this?

My SIL used to hate BIL coming home like a conquering hero all 'I'm HERE' at everyone.

You need to have a conversation about him slotting back in. If there are meal plans, there are meal plans. If there's shopping needing doing, he can do an order. He's not 'helpful' he's a grown man that lives there and you don't have to be grateful he does some of the bare minimum. He likes to cook but if there's a meal plan, he needs to like to wash up!

Before he goes, that's different. That's just you feeling sad and it turns into grumpy. Every time it happens, just tell yourself it's the sad leaking out.

How about you always plan something nice for you that is hard to do when you have the kids on your own for the day after he gets back.

So he arrives on the Thursday and so on the Friday you go out to go swimming / have your haircut / sit in the pub with a book (my favorite thing!).

My husband has always worked away often overseas and still does. I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s like you’re a single parent without the financial constraints. I was a STAM which I found made things easier.
When my husband came home he wouldn’t interfere with any routines I had in place for the running of the house and would just slot in. I think you do need to have a conversation about not messing up the routines you have in place. He would take the kids out so I could have some “me” time. We would also make sure we had a “date” night too.
if all this is new to you it does take a while to get used to it, and will find a way that works for you both.

Thank you. You're right. The conquering hero stuff adds to the irritation sometimes! I feel like "hang on, you've had 3 weeks of uninterrupted nights, no cooking, chilled evenings and YOU'RE the hero!" 😆
I'll try and find a time to have a calm conversation with him about slotting back in.

I like this idea! Pub/coffee shop with a book sounds blissful. 🙂

Thank you. It's really helpful to hear from someone in a similar position. You're right - this is new to us and we need to have a conversation about how to manage it. I think because he used to do lots of the household routine stuff previously, he just auto-pilots into what he used to do before he had this job. But it'll be helpful to sit down and chat it through (at a time when I'm not already irritated at him!) 😆.

My children are all grown up and flown the nest so when he’s away I’m on my own, It’s lovely when he’s home, but I also like the time on my own too.
It’s an adjustment period for you both but you will adjust.

FIFO is very big in Australia. Here is one site for support http://thefifowife.com.au/support-resources/ but there are others if you look for them.