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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Checked out of relationship

2 replies

sharkstale · 19/11/2025 10:06

Reposted as I posted in the wrong section.

I've completely checked out of my relationship.
There's been a lot of issues, mostly on his side, and while he mostly admits it, he doesn't appreciate how it's affected me, which causes more issues. He's not easy to talk to, mostly shuts me down or shouts, so I've given up trying. He does make some effort and I know he loves me, but I don't make any effort back. I don't have it in me anymore. If he suggests doing anything together, I have no desire to. I don't ever want sex with him. We have a 9 month old which makes things more complicated. Deep down, I'd like it to work and I do still have some love for him, but it's been pushed really far down. I see the phrase "checked out" on here all the time, and it's made me realise that's what I've done, I've checked out. What do I do? Is there any coming back from it once this has happened? Every time I've started to come back from it, something happens that pushes me away again, and I've just lost hope in any future. Where do I go from here?

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 19/11/2025 10:09

You put plans in place to leave. This is done unfortunately. You can't be in a relationship with someone you don't like or respect.

Lobelia123 · 19/11/2025 10:11

Nothing changes unless you actively make a choice to change it. So either you can accept the relationship is not fixable and break up, or you commit to doing something to improve it. Its the passivity and the letting the poor situation falter on that is such a waste of your life. unfortunately no one can fix this for you, You have to do some deep soul searching, assess the present the past and the future, and find the answers inside yourself.

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