Pregnant with 3rd and mentally not coping at all need advice

[TheRareHare]

Hi, I’m posting because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my 3rd child. I already have two young girls and I’m really struggling mentally and physically this time. I feel sick all day, barely eat, have aches and pains constantly, and I’m so down I can’t keep on top of the house. I’ve been feeling really depressed and overwhelmed.
I had finally started getting things in place for myself as In job support, career plans, and my youngest is going into school next year so I was looking forward to getting my own life moving again. Now I feel like everything has suddenly stopped and I’m panicking.

My partner is really excited and straight away told his family, his work, even his boss, and he’s planning everything already. He’s said he’s told them because I had told my neighbours and a friend about my pregnancy. He keeps touching my belly going “hello son” and acting like it’s all definitely happening.
But I’ve tried to tell him I’m not mentally there and I’m struggling. Every time I try to talk, he dismisses it as pregnancy hormones, or says I was emotional in my last pregnancy in the first trimester and was fine afterwards. I told him I’m not coping mentally and saying I’m not even mentally there right now and he literally said “well no one is mentally there, I’m not even mentally there not even the neighbours so what do you mean.” I felt completely dismissed.

He’s also told me his bosses son and fiancée (who are struggling with IVF) know about the pregnancy now as he told his boss and saying it’s a bit awkward for him now as when his boss told his son he was quiet the whole way home which makes me feel guilty and trapped.
The truth is I’m considering an abortion because I don’t feel ready, I don’t feel I can cope with 3 kids under 6, and I’m scared of losing my chance at finally starting a career. But I also feel guilty about abortion at same time and I don’t know what to do.

Also too add I did break up with my partner just before I found out I was pregnant and he asked me something which I can’t remember but I remember saying too him well I’m gonna have to stay with you now since I’m pregnant aint I and he goes oh wow that hurt wow in a almost jokingly way.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you deal with the pressure, guilt, or decision-making? I just feel alone and overwhelmed right now.

Hi @TheRareHare, I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you have to do what is right for you. However I will say I have been through almost exactly this (currently very pregnant with a third unplanned daughter). I felt exactly the same at the beginning of the pregnancy…rubbish physically but also very low and depressed and unsure what I wanted, and panicked. I seriously thought about a termination and even went to the clinic, but I had been through one before and knew I would face a lot of emotions afterwards and just couldn’t go through with it. My husband was initially not wanting to go ahead but now he is very supportive. I think only you know what is right for you. There are lots of organisations out there you can speak to in confidence to get some perspective so perhaps think about that. I hope your husband is open to the idea it could be a third girl though (like our situation) as he sounds very excited about the idea of a boy. Sending a big hug your way.

Thank you very much x

OP

I'll be very pragmatic.
Secretly plan and get an abortion, and tell himself and everyone else it was a miscarriage.
Yes I'll be pilloried here and so will you, but if you keep it secret in real life no one will know.

(Hopefully you're at an early enough stage that you can do it with the tablets, you might need to get a PO box to get them sent to if you're afraid himself will spot them and raise hell.)