Prioritising ex?

[Bridgettjonesbaby]

I booked expensive tickets to an event for my boyfriend months ago so he's known about it since then. I reminded him last week and he said he'd need to speak to kids mum because she wanted him to take them overnight same night. He went back to say he was busy that night so unfortunately couldn't. She said it would be fine but that it was a works night out for her. He's now cancelled on me saying he must take the kids that night. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like he's cancelled our plans so that his ex can go on a night out! We've had these plans for months and he'd rather upset me than her😔

Cant he organised a babysitter?

You'll be told blah blah blah you should admire him for prioritizing his kids / the mother of his kids....
I'll tell you that this will only get worse and unless you want to spend your life feeling like a second class citizen, get rid of him and only date child less men.

I don’t think he sees it as a competition between his ex and you, I think he sees it as an obligation to his children.

Is there a trusted babysitter that they have used before?

If you have a relationship with a parent, you should expect the children to come first, every time

Despite having long standing plans? Why does the exs night out trump the plans that we have made?

What did the fact it was works night out have to do with anything?

Get rid, he’s pandering to her.

I would be asking him for the money

. Whilst it’s right he puts kids first, in this case they are with the mother and she should have sorted babysitting and I would be having a long conversation about that fact with him

you are right. He had long standing plans, she arranges a baby sitter

But you also need to think longer term, it shows he will put his ex’s wishes first

The event is still weeks in the future. Should I ask him to say he is not available?

He has responsibilities to his children first and foremost. They will always and should trump your relationship. It’s harsh advice but being with a man with children you will have issues if this sort. He isn’t prioritising his ex, he’s ensuring his children have care in place which is prioritising his children’s needs. I think you need to have a very hard think as to whether this is what you want.

Well it's his fault isn't it, so why should his ex suffer because of his disorganised cockup? She asked him to have the kids and he agreed to it. Either she asked him before you discussed booking your own event, and he forgot, or she asked him after and he agreed when he should have declined because he was busy with you.

The only way it's not his fault is if you booked the event without asking him first and he'd already agreed to have his kids that night.

Reality is that it can probably be fixed by one of them arranging a baby sitter.

That's ridiculous though - he's not able to have a life because he needs to always be available to take his kids whenever his ex requests?

Separated parents should have an agreed regular contact pattern for their children, and any deviation from it has to be mutually agreed. It's not complicated to be fair.

No! You ask your previous question, why dose his exs night trump yours? Then you make a decision from there. If he still puts her night out first you dump him as he dosnt see you as a priority in his life. If he reflects and agrees he’s messed up then you can move on from there.

The ex knew he wasnt available and now your bf has said he'll take the kids after all? Have I read it right?

If you dont tackle this one head on now, this is going to be your relationship going forward. Constant dropping of you and your plans whether they are 6 months or 6 days planned in advance.

Yes kids are the priority, but why cant ex sort a babysitter? Is there a set care schedule in place?

It’s not ridiculous to put your children first.

I reminded him last week and he said he'd need to speak to kids mum because she wanted him to take them overnight same night. He went back to say he was busy that night so unfortunately couldn't. She said it would be fine but that it was a works night out for her. He's now cancelled on me saying he must take the kids that night.

My reading of this is that the mother had already told him that he needed to take the kids that night. It was his fault for not getting there before but again that goes back to my original point op is not and should never be a priority when children are involved. That’s the risk you take when getting with a man who has children.

Jesus father's can't win can they? I'd rather a partner that cares about his kids rather than ignore them

Because she probably cares for the children the vast majority of the time and therefore gets less opportunity to go out than your DP does.

And because looking after his kids is more important than going on a night out with his girlfriend.

@altmember is correct. This is your husband’s fault not his ex. He agreed to have the kids regardless of who asked or booked an event first.
Why my ex asks me to have my DC it goes in my diary and I’m not available for anything else. He does the same when I ask him.
Take it up with your husband instead of blaming his ex who asked a question and got an answer. She shouldn’t have to change her plans.