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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No contact, advice wanted.

8 replies

aredrosegrewup · 16/11/2025 23:20

We've recently gone no contact with MIL, approx 4 weeks ago. This has been a long time coming for many, many, many reasons. I won't go into all the details as it is far too long but the main reason is emotional abuse, mostly directed at DH.

My ask for advice is related to other family members. DH'S side of the family is small and it's really only his sibling and partner we need to consider. They know what we've done and why and they know that it means we won't see them at any sort of gathering if MIL is there.

They initially asked if we wanted to get things sorted out with their involvement, we said no, they've said no more on the topic. We know that MIL has asked them once how we are and they just said that we are fine, but at this point MIL didn't know we had blocked her and we don't know if she knows yet because we haven't asked them.

Just after advice from others who have been through something similar. We just want to get on with our lives but inevitably it does affect other people because they have to consider our situation when making plans etc... They've been supportive when there's been issues in the past and on this occasion but it's still a tricky dynamic to navigate.

OP posts:
HardworkSendHelp · 16/11/2025 23:36

Could the other sibling not assist in sorting this out. Call the MIL out for her behaviour. Stand together as siblings so if no change in behaviour the MIL is cut out of events and not your family

aredrosegrewup · 16/11/2025 23:43

HardworkSendHelp · 16/11/2025 23:36

Could the other sibling not assist in sorting this out. Call the MIL out for her behaviour. Stand together as siblings so if no change in behaviour the MIL is cut out of events and not your family

It's just beyond that if I'm honest. That's been the situation in the past, they've helped out and we've now found ourselves on the receiving end of her ridiculous behaviour again.

OP posts:
aredrosegrewup · 17/11/2025 07:17

I'm doing a shameless bump because I posted that in the middle of my night shift last night and most people are just getting up now! 😂

OP posts:
Pottersciderbar82 · 17/11/2025 07:27

Every situation is unique so it’s tricky to advise.

For me, it was easier as the people around the person are also toxic so I cut them all off completely.

They are a toxic island of people so I don’t see them or have any reason to contact any of them. No gatherings includes them as no one else in the family have anything to do with them either.

Such a relief.

aredrosegrewup · 17/11/2025 08:41

Pottersciderbar82 · 17/11/2025 07:27

Every situation is unique so it’s tricky to advise.

For me, it was easier as the people around the person are also toxic so I cut them all off completely.

They are a toxic island of people so I don’t see them or have any reason to contact any of them. No gatherings includes them as no one else in the family have anything to do with them either.

Such a relief.

Yeah I can see how that would be easier! Think we'll just have to take it as it comes.

OP posts:
EmeraldSloth · 17/11/2025 16:39

I would just make it clear to your other family members that you don't expect them to change their behaviour or accommodate your decision in any way, but that this was something you felt you had to do to protect your own family's happiness.

And then do everything on your end to make sure family members don't feel caught in the middle.

aredrosegrewup · 17/11/2025 16:53

EmeraldSloth · 17/11/2025 16:39

I would just make it clear to your other family members that you don't expect them to change their behaviour or accommodate your decision in any way, but that this was something you felt you had to do to protect your own family's happiness.

And then do everything on your end to make sure family members don't feel caught in the middle.

Yeah, I think we'll reiterate that point! Their relationship with her isn't exactly smooth sailing either, but in a different way.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 17/11/2025 17:26

I disagree with the poster above who thinks they should stand with you.

This is you and your husband's choice. If the sib and partner are supportive of your decision, you can ask them not to pass on anything to MIL about you. See them outside of family gatherings where your MIL will be.

If not, see them less and give them no info about your lives. Grey rock. If they try to facilitate or encourage contact again, stop them then and there and make it clear that if they do that, you'll leave. Then leave if they continue.

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