In-laws affecting our relationship

HaychEss · 2025-11-15T22:52:58+00:00

Every time my husband and I argue, it’s because his family have done something that makes me uncomfortable. They are all so socially awkward and secluded from society, however my husband expects me to go regularly even though I have nothing in common with them and strongly disagree with their parenting and way of thinking. I have to sit there for hours and bite my tongue when they try to have an input about my child when ironically their own children have no manners and are socially awkward! It’s really affecting my mental health and relationship with my husband. Anyone else relate?

TacCat49 · 15/11/2025 23:22

DH needs to grow a pair.
Please assert yourself. You don't have to visit them. Also, hell would freeze over if someone criticised my child or parenting style. Speak up.

thepariscrimefiles · 16/11/2025 17:21

What do you mean by secluded from society? It sounds as though they are in some religious cult. Is that the situation?

Is your husband socially awkward like them or did he manage to break away?

How often do you visit them? I presume that you don't want him to visit them without you but with your child as you don't trust them.

Does your husband spend time willingly with your family?

Hoppinggreen · 16/11/2025 17:23

Just tell him you aren't going if they are THAT bad. If they are just mildly irritating then maybe suck it up for your H

SummerInSun · 16/11/2025 17:32

Well how often do you go any why stay hours? Sounds like you are there a lot and for a long time. Why not have less frequent and shorter visits, and your DH can go by himself or with your DC a bit more often?

Original poster

HaychEss · 16/11/2025 18:33

DH expects me to spend the whole day there and when I say I want to leave PILs are like ‘why? What are you going to do at home?’

OP posts:

yeesh · 16/11/2025 18:58

I just wouldn’t go. Your husband is a grown man why does he need you with him to visit every time 🤷‍♀️

mummabubs · 16/11/2025 20:17

Hugely, for me it's my sister in law. I've been with DH for 12 years. Two years ago I had a falling out with SiL which has left me feeling as you describe ever since - so tense when I'm around her, constantly holding my tongue andy mental health has plummeted. It really affects me and DH every time before, during and after I have to spend time with her. In the last week I've finally reached an absolute breaking point and realise I need to go no contact. Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future. I've tried so hard for two years to push all my feelings down and 'be the better person', but I've come to realise that until I literally remove her from my life I'm not going to get any space to breathe mentally and regroup myself. I don't have any experience of going no contact with anyone before and don't like the impact I know it will have on others... but I also know (as does DH) that the greater damage is me being expected to play happy families when it really does damage to me inside every time. Is no contact something you feel you'd be able to do?

Original poster

HaychEss · 18/11/2025 02:27

mummabubs · 16/11/2025 20:17

Hugely, for me it's my sister in law. I've been with DH for 12 years. Two years ago I had a falling out with SiL which has left me feeling as you describe ever since - so tense when I'm around her, constantly holding my tongue andy mental health has plummeted. It really affects me and DH every time before, during and after I have to spend time with her. In the last week I've finally reached an absolute breaking point and realise I need to go no contact. Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future. I've tried so hard for two years to push all my feelings down and 'be the better person', but I've come to realise that until I literally remove her from my life I'm not going to get any space to breathe mentally and regroup myself. I don't have any experience of going no contact with anyone before and don't like the impact I know it will have on others... but I also know (as does DH) that the greater damage is me being expected to play happy families when it really does damage to me inside every time. Is no contact something you feel you'd be able to do?

Sounds so relatable, especially the feeling tense round them… don’t think no contact would be possible for me but good for you! I hate how another person can make me feel so crap & with me it’s not just the one person it’s all of them 🙄

OP posts:

JustMe2026 · 18/11/2025 03:21

My opinion is if it's more than one person maybe look at yourself and see why it wether it is them with the problem

Tryingatleast · 18/11/2025 03:25

Dh is like this with my family and it sucks. Just giving you the other side of the coin. I hate that we don’t get to spend more time with my family as a family when sil is so good about her and the kids going to my mums. Does he go to your family? He loves his family so just wants you there and wants to be around his house. Might suck for you but it’s lovely in a way

Tourmalines · 18/11/2025 03:27

Well, you don’t seem to have any problem putting them down ,so it works both ways I guess .

tuvamoodyson · 18/11/2025 04:25

How is it affecting your mental health?

Girlmom35 · 18/11/2025 09:52

You don't have an in-law problem. You have a husband problem.
Your husband is actively prioritising his loyalty towards his family over his loyalty to you. That's not okay in a marriage.

Time to start setting some boundaries.
Married or not, you don't have to waste your precious free time on people you don't like or care about.
Tell him you'll join him no more than once a month for a few hours. Take separate cars so you can leave any time you like.

It may cause a problem in your marriage, and you may have to deal with the consequences of that. But a marriage with someone who doesn't put you first, is not worth fighting for to begin with.

HairOil · 18/11/2025 09:56

Is the issue that they live so far away that you have to spend significant time with them when you visit? That it’s not a ‘drop by for 20 mins’ situation?