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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I was so stupid believing we can fix this

3 replies

40weeksmummy · 14/11/2025 22:38

Hello everyone,
Long story - me and DH together more than 20 years (he was my first boyfriend). Have 2 DC.
Our marriage had lots of issues in the last few years:
1.I was abused by MIL verbally and physically
2.DH had an affair at work
3.We have a child who is SEN. DH was denial from the day we got diagnosis, had lots of issues regarding parenting, etc.
We had a massive break down few months ago, however we both decided we will try one last time.
I put lots of effort, had counselling for myself (he didn't agree to go for couples counselling).
However, today was the first time he critised my appearance. I know I'm attractive, have nice body, every single time I'm out with my friends I'm asked if I'm single, asked for number, etc.
DH is off every weekend and Friday is short day at work.
I'm trying to get ready for nice evening when he's back- doing makeup, nice dress, nice dinner with glass of wine for us,etc. He came back this evening, asked me -"why do you wear this dress, you're not young anymore " .
I'm feeling so stupid and naive... I believed we can fix our issues...I'm sitting alone with glass of wine, dinner, makeup and sexy dress (while he is already sleeping) and I will never do any effort for any men again....
I just need a handhold please....

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 14/11/2025 22:40

His open hostility is enough. Just get ready to leave. You don’t have to give up on love. Just give up on him.

Bungle2168 · 14/11/2025 22:48

I mean, it does rather sound mean spirited of him - but that would be in keeping with his behaviour over the past few months, would it not? I am curious as to why you would have thought he would have behaved any differently.

Arlanymor · 14/11/2025 22:50

Oh darling he's checked out. He had an affair and you stood by him?

You deserve so, so, so much better than all of this.\

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