Husband problems

[bunny85]

Hi everyone. Just after some perspective really as feeling confused, I don't know if I have a reason to be upset or not?

So we have been married for 15 years and have two kids 10 and 6. He works full time 6 days a week and I work 3 days a week. He goes to the pub after work around 3 times a week and comes homes anywhere between 9 and 11pm.

While he's there I do the dinner, homework, bedtime etc. Get everything ready for school and all the school and general admit.

When he's at home, he does help somewhat. He does the bins, sometimes does the dishwasher, bathes the kids sometimes, bedtimes and wakes up at night to them (often). He also gets them ready to school in the mornings and does the school drop off. He doesn't cook, clean (we have a cleaner) or do any washing.

AIBU?

I do drive yes

Having an affair...?

What would he say if you said you want to come with to the pub? Or a different pub with your mates? Obviously you'd need a babysitter but presumably that's doable.

You should be able to socialize as much as he does. And in reality that probably can't be that many hours and that frequently. Else neither of you would ever see the kids. So he should cut down.

This was us.
I did a lot. My wife did a lot. My wife wanted me to be doing more.
It got really complicated and became a very long story of serious lows and we came within a hairs width of divorce. Bags packed close.

Then a fair amount happened and we are actually really good now.

One thing we learnt was to communicate, and learning how was tough. We had counseling and that was ok. But what really helped was an app called paired. It asked us both questions and we had to answer ourselves before we could see the others answer. It really made us realise what we both wanted and what we both thought. It got us talking about stuff weve never talked about in 20 years and it really helped us both understand what we could do to help each other better.

Thanks everyone. We've had a serious talk and seems like it's changing to better. He hasn't been out for quite a few weeks now, perhaps over a month even. He's helping around the house more too. Seems to be back to normal touch wood. Many thanks everyone for the input, really appreciate it

You need to insist your husband cuts down on drinking which may mean giving him an ultimatum. Your 10 year old may well be anxious about your husband becoming an alcoholic and he should not be sharing a bed with his father smelling of drink. Your children are both aware of what is going on around them and it’s damaging for them.

Sorry, I missed your update and I’m glad things are improving!

I thought you said he drinks pints of whiskey!!

Pints of whiskey? Oh god no. Pints of beers, maybe. He drink one pint but my problem is that it's almost every day.