Why does my child’s father not check in on him?

[Picklemummy1]

My son (2.5) sees his father every other weekend for a few hours. Refused to have him this weekend because our son was ill (I don’t get the choice but ok). Now he has an older son and will have him no matter what the circumstances, am I being an asshole for being so annoyed and upset for my child? He treats them so differently and I don’t want my son growing up thinking he’s less than his older brother :(

Oh also to add, he doesn’t once check in and see how he is over the 2 weeks he doesn’t see him. Or if he’s ill, he doesn’t ask how he is doing. Yet, he FaceTimes his other child 3 times a week and texts his mum asking for updates on school etc.

It doesn’t matter why, he just doesn’t and unfortunately you cannot control his behaviour so stop wasting your time and energy trying to figure it out.

Focus on being a great parent to your son and making your little bubble with him a safe and happy one.

Cos he doesn't give a shit.

You can't change this. He won't do it just because you demand it. It will just lead to him having a worse relationship with you which in terms will make his relationship with your son worse.

Make the most of what he does do and don't expect more. Learn to live with it and find a way to explain to your son that it's just the way things are because his Dad is busy with other things and try and the make the best of things otherwise.

You are on a hiding to nothing by expecting anything else.

Stop trying to figure him out.

I would keep your son well away from him given how flaky he is when it comes to contact of any sort. It's not your fault nor your child's his dad is the ways he is. If he is that bothered about seeing your son then he can do so via the use of a contact centre.

Does he pay maintenance for his child?. If not I would pursue a claim.

Ensure that your son going forward has emotionally healthy role models, both male and female, in his life. He will thank you for doing this for him.

Does he think he’s not the dad?

How do you know he treats the older son in that way? Maybe he used to but doesn’t any more?