Straw poll...when to say I love you in a new relationship

[pinkduckk]

And by when I mean also how, where, and who should say it first?!
Interested in people's experiences of this. Im 7 months in, it's going well, I do feel like I love him. We're both older, divorced...I'm not a giddy teen. I'm in no rush to say it..but I do feel it, and it has almost slipped out.
I feel it's too soon...happy to sit on it for a while...what have other people done?

About 10 months for us, he said it first but I had been feeling it for a while. I don't think 7 months is too early at all if you feel it

When youre sure thats what you feel, theres a reasonable chance he feels same, and youre ready to move relationship on to next level ( but also to protect yourself if he doesn't feel same, youre not in so deep you couldnt end it if it feels necessary to do so ).

it's not too early, my dp said it to me after about 2-3 months (crazy when i think about that now!) and it also just 'slipped out', we have been together 10 years

I would say it when you feel it. If it’s not reciprocated better to know sooner than later!

That's a good point @pinkpony88! It does seem reciprocated but who really knows?!
Haven't dated for almost 30 years, I guess the Cosmo quiz rules no longer apply!

No rules
Ex H and I said it after 2 weeks. We were together 14 years.

Ex BF (nutter and addict) said it after 2 weeks and I thought I felt the same due to his love bombing. Crashed and burned at 2 months.

Currently seeing someone else for just under 2 months and now wondering the same as the OP.

Such interesting answers thank you. I guess the rule is there's no rule!
Would anyone say absolutely don't say it first? It feels v vulnerable!

I said it first after about 3 weeks he took a bit longer as he'd been badly hurt in his previous relationship. I know some people probably would think it's just an excuse but I told him I'd much rather he say it when he was ready to. We have now been together for 8 and a half years and are having our first baby (currently 14 weeks)

I'm glad these are all mainly positive stories!

Just say it when you feel it … it’s ok to love someone ☺️

16 days after we met. He was about to say it then bottled it so I finished the sentence for him.
7 years and 2 kids later he’s snoring his fat head off next to me.

I said it first about 6 months after we became official but we'd been seeing each other casually for a while before that. He said it a week later

Thanks all! I say it in my head a lot!

Pretty sure I love the guy I'm with now but also scared to say it.
I've felt love 4 times in my life. (This is number 4)

I'm 10 months in and I've told him but he hasn't said it to me. I'm not bothered, that's how he is. I don't think he tells anyone he loves them, and I tell lots of people. Maybe we have different definitions of love. I know he struggles to identify and define his feelings.

Our relationship is absolutely lovely. He models love and care towards me so I'm happy with that. But it's unusual. In past relationships (none of which tbf have lasted) they'd have told me by now.

@LittleJusticethat's interesting, does it bother you? It doesn't sound like it does.
And the definition of love is interesting...I'm worried what I feel is actually just infatuation! After a long unhealthy marriage I don't trust my own instincts I don't think

Well I'm in the same position I'm in mid 50s and out of a long unhealthy relationship which I went into following escaping from an abusive relationship.

Previous to those two relationships I had lovely relationships with gentle sensitive man and I feel like I found another such man. So I feel really lucky because he has also only had really one major relationship in his life so I don't think he's very experienced at relationships anyway.

I feel really happy in the relationship we get on really well we've not had any issues at all and so I know that the not telling me he loves me is a him thing not a me thing so I can't say that it does worry me really.

To clarify, both of us had long marriages of over 30 years. He'd had a couple of girlfriends before and one of 6 months after. I think we both feel like we are 17 again and are rediscovering sex and it's amazing. We have so many shared interests, and he's a lovely gentle sensitive man. So I feel seen, appreciated, wanted etc. So the lack of I love you doesn't seem to bother me.

I said it to DP after about 3 months, and she nearly ran a mile in response. She didn't say it back to me until a year into our relationship, by which point we had a child together (we didn't quite do things in the right order).

It was New Years eve, and DP was absolutely knackered, so I'd been sorting DD out, and went back in the bedroom to check on DP. Kissed her head, and she sleepily said "I love you". I just told her "I know".

Because I did, the whole reason I'd said it to her months and months earlier was because she'd gone massively out of her way to do something for me without me even asking and I just thought "Wow, she must really love me to do that for me, I'd better let her know I feel the same".

20 years later, it's still not something she often says, but I've never needed the words, I know she loves me by the way she acts.