Had An Amazing First Date And He Keeps Texting But Not Made Plan For Second Date

[HelpHedgehogsByFeedingThemCatBiscuits]

I had an amazing date 2 days ago. We met for a 2-hour coffee date, and he seemed v keen, lots of chemistry and he suggested meeting again as we parted.

He messaged me that evening with a light-hearted message, some nice compliments. I replied the next morning and we exchanged a few jokey texts. I left him on read as I want a boyfriend not a pen pal.

The following morning, he sent me another light-hearted message and we continued in this vein a bit. I thought I should move things on if he was unable to so replied, “it would be nice to meet up again”.

He replied immediately, “when and where”.

At this point I wilted. He also wanted me to suggest a place to meet for the first date - I suggested the area (between both our homes) but I asked him to decide - he found a lovely place, so is capable.

We are both in our 60’s so it’s quite rare to get a mutual attraction. I’m just find it irritating that he can’t he make a plan. I feel the lust draining from my body which is a shame as he really was terrific (in the flesh at any rate!). I am wondering if attractive men get a bit spoilt and are used to women running around making plans for them? I’d so much prefer him to

Am I doomed to pen-pal purgatory if I persevere?

You're discussing a perfectly pleasant first date with ai?!!

What kind of world are we in now?

Settle down with grok 😂

Agree. A lot of older men say they want the woman to feel comfortable on a date and see where she would like to go.
No point him saying some old spit and sawdust if she’d prefer a cocktail bar.

Personally I’d have replied ‘Saturday in x town? We can sort a venue between us’

But then I do t play games or expect anyone to read my mind (or ask AI rather than answering a simple question)

Ai is pretty good for all sorts of personal dilemmas.
More sensible than a lot of of the ‘advice’ here.

G

Same age as you, work with young adults. 17 year old lad asked me where to take a second date, my reply was to ask her if there was anywhere she would really like to go, or what sort of thing she would like to do. It shows consideration and it's an EQUAL world well in UK for most men and women, so why not either say somewhere or forget it, you are being a pain.

You’re right op. There’s always a load of desperate women on here leading blokes round by the nose then wondering why there’s no romance further down the line.

Sadly not many seem to even want to take note. I've had so many chats where the guy has finished by answering something I have asked then not asking me a question and I similarly, can't be bothered if I am going to do all the work. You can see that they are still looking and wondering why the conversation has stopped!

Recently chatted to a nice guy who didn’t communicate at all after a couple of phone chats so I just left it. He sent me a voice note after about a week to say he wasn't feeling the spark! (Wtaf 🤷‍♀️). It would help if they actually knew how to communicate or at least had any intention to try and learn.

Is it really heavy lifting to suggest a place? He chose the first time!
He responded quickly and sounds keen.
I dont think you sound in a good place to date if you're that prescriptive on how you want the dates to be arranged.
If you want him to plan, tell him!

Don't let AI talk you out of a good man.
Remember it lacks nuance and is programmed to please/ agree with you

My husband didn’t want to make decisions about where we could meet. However I was confident enough about him to pick that up when we were first dating. I have since learned he is a very big introvert so wasn’t really going to places to recommend, and he was also super anxious about getting it ‘wrong’. He was always very enthusiastic about anything I suggested so he never let me think it was lack of interest.
Over time I’ve explained how much I love surprises and not having to make decisions, and he’s planned my birthdays away, holidays, day trips.
In short, not a dealbreaker until you understand him better.

He's probably being considerate or believes he is.

Just reply with a couple of free days and say 'You choose where'.

Doesn't need to be complicated.

Is it really heavy lifting to suggest a place? He chose the first time!
He responded quickly and sounds keen.
I dont think you sound in a good place to date if you're that prescriptive on how you want the dates to be arranged.
If you want him to plan, tell him!

^^ 100% this - you cannot possibly know what he is thinking or feeling, maybe he is waiting for you to suggest something that you like

Agree, if he picked the last place it's reasonable to expect you to pick this time.

But what would (and has in the past) put me off is the showing no initiative to suggest a second date. It suggests they'll go if it involves no real effort from them but they're not interested enough to be proactive. I don't waste my time.

Op's bogged off then!

Didn't like the replies..

Talk about over analysing a situation. Poor bloke!

Why The Block Capital Title Btw?

Oh FFS, you're too old to be playing the precious princess. He's just unsure of getting it wrong. Name a time and place and stop being so silly.

That’s a great response but tell him when you are free.
“How about you surprise me? Pick a spot you love and I’ll be there with bells on. I’m free Wednesday or Friday evening 😊”

My DH would say that to appear accommodating to me rather than making plans I'm uncomfortable with. It's misplaced but well intended. So make a suggestion!

Wow! You suggested a meet and he replied positively with a perfectly reasonable response. You sound like hard work!

For heavens sake, stop playing games. Why can’t you make a plan?

You sound like you are tbh- leaving him on read- expecting him to know what you’re thinking. Just talk to the man!