Husband gone

[Lizziewest88]

Hi,

just want to get other peoples opinions. As I am so confused as to what to do!

My husband left our home about a week ago and has gone to his parents to ‘fix himself’. As he’s down not coping with life. He’s refusing to tell me when he is returning. He’s starting therapy next week.

We have 2 children one with ASD. He’s not seeing them at the moment. I’ve said he’s working away which he often does.

He says he still loves me but is getting annoyed that I’m pissed off not knowing when he is coming back. But he’s left me with a child who doesn’t sleep and needs a lot of support and a 3 year old.

Do I put up with this or draw a line? How long do I wait?

It’s confusing and I am exhausted.

Me too. Give him the space he wants permanently.

You can’t trust him anymore to be present as a husband or father. He sounds self indulgent.

80% of marriages fail where there's a child with SEN need.

The figure increases upwards with each additional SEN child such are the burdens.

My wife and I have four children with ASC and 21 years of the challenges.

But here's the thing, we are a very very strong couple. We have always ensured that we look after each other. We always have known that we can't do the very best for our disabled children if we aren't in the best place ourselves. We simply don't let each other down, we are very aware of when each of us needs support from the other. It has to be teamwork.

Hubby needs to appreciate that running away from the family home isn't teamwork. It's defeat. It's leaving you with the problems and it's unfair.

I’d say 100% having an affair, sorry op

If my DS tried that he would be sent straight home to his family .

Tomorrow is friday.

Collect the kids and drop them at the GPs for the weekend while you "sort your head out.
Tell dh youll pick them up from school on monday pm.

Have a glass of wine, decompress.
Start sorting through financial docs... as divorce is coming

I'd bet money on the fact your dh isnt coming home.
It's the beginning of the script.

I hate these weak men who do this. Gutless. I have to say that usually there is something else going on when things like this happen and usually their head has been turned. I know it's easy for us to say do this or that when you are in a state of confusion BUT get a freeze put on any joint savings you have or remove half and put into a new solo account. At least this way you are financially safe. Don't panic when people talk about getting ducks in a row etc - there's plenty of time for that but try to think realistically about what you want going forward and what kind of man he is. In my experience the counselling is just a thing they say to avoid being honest.

"He says he still loves me but..."

This is the kiss of death I'm afraid OP. If he loved you, he wouldn't have run back to his parents and left you dealing with everything. It's also what my ex said to me - along with we "just weren't compatible anymore..." - before putting me through months of hell, saying he was moving out, then not moving out.

I'm fairly sure he'd had his head turned by an OW, although I think it ended pretty quickly because there's no sign of one now. Of course, he'd never admit it - he just ticked every box of the "man having an affair" checklist - and they never want to be the bad guy. So they either blame their mental health, or the wife, or both.

I really wish I'd taken control earlier, because it took such a toll on my mental health. I think you should follow the very good advice on this thread of giving him a time limit, and dropping the DC off to his parent's house for the weekend. Give him a taste of life as a divorced man.

"Not coping with life" and needing to fix himself may well be because he's met another woman, feels guilty and is trying to decide what to do. It's a very well-trodden path by men. Sorry. It is, as others have said, all part of The Script. But whatever the reason, he's a dick to leave you in the lurch like this.

lol I read that as drop them at the docs !

Just imagine doing this yourself.. you cant can you! Women don’t just up and leave, as mothers we keep on going even at breaking point. It’s the script - sadly very common 😞 Get your sh*t together because this man isn’t going to step up and help. His head has likely been turned, he’s working out his next move and his parents are facilitating this. Be very guarded around them, their son will always come first.

He doesn’t love you as he’s left.
hes doesn’t give a shit about the kids.
you need to stop thinking when will he be back and start getting your shit together. Get copies of bank accounts, savings, pensions, everything. Divorce is the only road.