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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend is a user

11 replies

Summer257 · 13/11/2025 10:57

I have a friend who for years says let’s take turns to pay when we eat out. The last 3 times she made me pay. I don’t know why she just doesn’t pay for her own meals as this is what happens when I am with other friends we all pay for our own with her. She always suggests to go for a meal but I personally would rather eat at home and go for a drink instead.

One of the times she asked me to get her dad a meal to take home as she lived with him. I was annoyed because she didn’t offer any money. Whilst I like her dad and get on well with him she shouldn’t tell me what to do with my money. Then it frustrates me because she will only eat half the plate of food and it upsets me she is taking the p* out of my money and wasting it. I haven’t seen her for a while and won’t eat out again with her.

A mutual friend is having the same issue now. The last 3 times he has paid for the meals. She doesn’t work but my friend doesn’t work either and he has bills to pay. She is lucky because she lives at home and her dad pays for the bills and she eats out a lot with her dad who pays for the meals. My friend had it out with her and she has been angry with him asking if I have said something and he said she sounded angry blaming me. She won’t even pay for coffee for him as he said it’s your turn.

It is though she knows what she is doing manipulating people. The fact he has realised on his own accord and mentioned it to me. She seems angry as though if she was doing that how dare anyone warn him.

Why does she have this sense of entitlement that everyone else should pay for her? It infuriates me.

OP posts:
CryMyEyesViolet · 13/11/2025 11:00

You are allowing this. Say no to the meal out, say at the start you’re going to split it and just pay for yours. She can suggest all she wants, but so far it’s working for her.

MasterOfOne · 13/11/2025 11:02

Friend is clearly a user ( or having financial issues she is not sharing)

But you have to take a little responsibility here as well - you can say no to any situation that makes you uncomfortable

Freewifix · 13/11/2025 11:07

Tell her to fuck off and pay for her own food.
Be blunt.

ididntexpectthat · 13/11/2025 11:20

No one can ‘make’ you pay for their meal! Next time she asks, say ‘is this one your treat? I paid the last 3 times’ or alternatively, when the bill arrives just pay your half.

Your pal surely knows what she’s doing! She’s on to a good number there.

Achewyhamster · 13/11/2025 11:23

I had a friend like this

She claims she's skint but can always afford 'wants' and not 'needs' (her stepfather would slip her cash but he died during covid,so her 80+ year old mother stepped up)

We would go out for a coffee and would do the 'i'll buy this one,you buy the next'

I noticed we'd either not go for the second or somehow i'd end up paying again (I'm much better with boundaries now)

It came to a head when my adult ds came with us one day and i'd bought in the first round and he bought the next

She was doing the 'oh it's been lovely to see you' when ds said 'ah,we have time,let's go for another coffee-i think it's your turn x' and almost pushed her into her favourite but very expensive coffee shop (the one she'll only go to if someone else is paying and we'd been there loads of times on my dime)

Her face!

She moaned and whinged she wouldn't be able to afford some new outfit if she took her turn but ds just held firm and she did buy her round,but you could see she was fuming

I toned the meet ups right down and haven't been for one with her in over two years (I ignore the 'we need to meet up!ive not seen you for ages!')

They know what they are doing

Abracadabrador · 13/11/2025 11:28

How did she make you pay?

Just decline meetups with her if you don't enjoy the friendship.

BauhausOfEliott · 13/11/2025 11:59

Why are you friends with her? You don't like her.

SparklyGlitterballs · 13/11/2025 12:06

Good for you for recognising her for what she is and putting a stop to eating out with her. If you should ever eat out with her again then as soon as the wait staff comes up with the payment machine then tell them "separate bills please". If you have to go up to a counter to pay then be firm and say "I'm only paying for my own food Sandra, you can get yours".

Endofyear · 13/11/2025 19:54

She can't make you pay. You can say no. So can you're friend if he doesn't want to pay.

User5306921 · 13/11/2025 20:00

I can see this happening once or maybe twice but surely by the third time, you would just say no unless you're paying. And from then on state clearly that you will only be paying for your own meal.

Of course your 'friend' won't stop the current situation. Its working very well for her.

Cheesandcrackers · 13/11/2025 20:41

Assuming you paid by card, send her the previous payment and meeting arrangement records along with a suggested date for the next meal.

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