Would you contact the other woman?

[Tellmeitsok]

This is a rather long story so hopefully you stick with me...

I was with my ex partner for nearly 9 years and we have one child. After a rocky start to this year, I found out he was cheating with numerous women. I found out by accessing my son's Ipad which my ex partner's Google account was logged into. I found out he had been on holiday with another woman and dating others. I also found lots of extremely concerning images including him cross-dressing, lots of adult content of him in various positions, images of groups of young women in public and most worryingly, some of very young children including those well under 10 years old. None of these images were pornography but distasteful images of children (one he took in public and some of local school girls). I haven't spoken to him since. I did contact the police and I have tried to contact some of the girls involved (one was aware of his 'hobbies' and his ex-wife experienced domestic abuse). The woman he went on holiday with has a Facebook and I did message straight away - it was delivered but I can't see if it was ever read; she never responded. My ex-partner is a text book narcissist who, if they are together, I am sure will access/control her social media. I wonder what your thoughts are on this?

I recently became aware of her Instagram but it has been 5 months since I found all of this out. Should I try one more attempt at contacting her, or let all of this go now and move on with my life?

I’d be more concerned abut safe guarding my son against someone who’s been taking photos of young children rather than trying to contact the other woman.

Hi, I agree and that was the first thing I did. Unfortunately, the police were not overly helpful although it was passed to social services and the school (as he volunteered) he still has a right to see his son.

I have come to believe women need to support and protect each other above men, so if I had mutual friends with her, I might make sure they knew about his behavior in hopes they would tell her, but I probably wouldn’t tell her directly because I don’t think she’d believe it. Limerance and betrayal blindness and other forms of self protection are so strong that we will go to great lengths to deny any threat to our well being. You’d come across as a jealous ex trying to ruin his life. But I would definitely make sure everyone else knew so they could get through to her when the time is right.

On Your sons IPad?

This is what I think - I wish somebody would have told me sooner and people knew, they just wanted to get as far away from him as possible and didn't think to tell me. I was wondering if I should contact her sister rather than her directly - the message really is that if she senses something is wrong - to listen to her gut because the signs are there. But also - I am aware of how I will look - but does that even matter? Also - what if they go on to have children...

Yes, but the content was through the Google Chrome which my ex was logged into. My son is too young to think to click on that and would only have clicked on his game apps although this was social services main concern.

Did you speak to the Designated Safeguarding Lead at your son's school? I think that this would have generated more action by the LADO and the Police.

The law has changed recently so that isn’t necessarily true now luckily

I did yes, he was removed from the volunteering as the LADO viewed the report and saw that he was unsuitable to work with children. So this will come up on his CRB in the future, although it hasn't triggered any more action from the police.

Rightly so, hopefully the new law protects the families who need it.