Im making my mum ill with worry due to my bad relationship, what do I do?

[Whocanitalkto108w3]

I dont have any friends or work colleagues i could speak to about my problems as want to keep them private, and im an only child so dont have siblings or cousins. I can't afford to pay a therapist.

I am having relationship problems, no violence or abuse , Im just fed up and we argue alot. Also have problems with our teenage son. I talk to my mum about it. Im planning to separate but trying to get everything ready first before making the leap. I've told my mum this. First she told me I needed to stay married because its going to cause too much upheaval (we've been together 25 years so obviously very emeshed) . The she agreed that we should separate but is "dreading the whole thing. "
Now shes telling me " its making her bad" and she cant sleep with worry.
I feel awful about this obviously, I don't want to worry her or upset her. She is the only support I have but I feel like she is being over dramatic. It is happening to me and im not feeling like that . Im just trying to get on with things sensibly and practically.
Now I feel like I cant talk to her at all as she starts getting upset and despondent which takes away from the issue at hand and I have to comfort her .
What should I do going forward? Obviously I am going to stop using her as a free therapist going forward , but I feel like I can't tell her anything at all without her getting flustered. Its difficult because there are family finances involved and I may have to stay with them for a while so cant completely keep it all from them

I really feel for you here. You're agonising so much about your relationship and the one and only person you can talk to about it is telling you it's making her ill with worry.

Firstly, it's important to understand that your mum's reaction is because she cares so much about you and wants the best for you.

However, this is your life, and ultimately you have to do what's best for you. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage, especially if it's just to please someone else.

Yes, the ending of a long-term relationship, especially when there are children involved, is hard and can be messy, but that shouldn't stop you doing what is best for you.

And I'm pretty sure that whatever you decide to do, your mum will support you, because it's obviously how much she loves and cares about you.

You say you can't afford therapy, but there are usually low-cost therapy options available in most areas of the UK (I am UK-based, so can't comment on elsewhere in the world), so it's worth having look.

Wishing you all the best.

She can't fix things, which is what parents try to do. Dial back in what you're telling her as there's nothing she can do.

Why want to keep things private? Time is now you need irl support

You need to focus on doing what is right for you. Your mom is behaving selfishly here, she just wants you to stay in relationship because of what she will have to deal with if you split up. It’s all about her isn’t it.

She’ll be fine. Has she form for being self centered?

Are there any other options for you to offload to? It’s can be really healthy to have a good vent.

Does your workplace offer free counselling? My workplace offers this is a wellbeing piece, however it’s through an independent provider so you don’t need to involve colleagues.

Also in my area you can self refer to the NHS counselling services, worth seeing if you can do this in your area.

Failing that, a thread on this board might help ☺️

As the mother of adults I find behaviour like your mother's inexcusable. It's not about her but she's making it about her.

Just to be a hypocrite and make this about me 😝 I'll add that it's the reason that as far as my own mother knows, everything in my life has been "fine" for at least fifteen years 😝