Please tell me what you would do 😢

[Harrietparker]

I feel I already know what the responses are going to be but I really need clarity.

For context, we have been together 15 years and have small children. Things have been tough recently and we rarely share a bed due to youngest suffering night terrors. Therefore haven’t had sex often. I’d say 3-4 times a month?
Anyway, he’s been abit distant recently and I thought it was stress related with work. He asked me today to check and go over an email he was sending which I did but I had a look in the sent folder and found messages to prostitutes on 2 seperate occasions asking how much they would charge etc. He didn’t really argue it said it wasn’t him and walked out as he had things to do. I’m a mess right now and don’t know what to do. The worse part is that I live in his house so I feel so trapped 😩 I should add I found the same messages years ago but was stupid enough to stay. I just don’t know what to do I feel so out of control

Yes. I asked him to leave for a few days whilst I sort accommodation. He has plenty of friends and family he can stay at. I don’t

Have you told someone? A trusted friend? Family?

The daily award for worst advice ever 🏅

It's his house. I think it's unreasonable to expect him to leave his house.

See my post above....get some financial advice and find a property to move to. I imagine a lot of the rent and council tax will be paid by benefits

It’s his house!

Do you have any savings?
If not, then you aren't going to be able to leave yet unless he pays for all of that.

If you rent you will need at least a month's rent as a deposit and bank statements showing you can afford the rent. If you can't do that, you're going to have to increase your hours at work or he will have to pay.

You need to do the finances, taking into account child benefit, any other benefits you can claim and his input.

Do you have parents who could help out either financially or with short term sharing their home?

I know, homelessness is awful for children, I would do anything to avoid that. I would honestly play the long game to protect my kids. Just my opinion.

Absolutely

OP, I realise you're in a very difficult situation here. Dependant on him and so you may be willing to let it go if he promises to change.

If you stay you must get married so that when this happens again you are better protected.

I'd be saying whatever you need to say for now to remain supported whilst you figure out how best to leave.

They have a home though. OP doesn't have any bargaining chips to propose to the awful man. If she demanded he marry her or else-or else what?

Regardless, she doesn't want to marry the man anyway.

Unfortunately not, I’ve come to the realisation I’m going to have to stay here till I can afford to leave. I’m just scared he will get in my head before I do. But I am 100% leaving, like I say this isn’t the first time so won’t be the last and I’m getting no younger. Phoned council etc, not a lot of help to be honest. I am looking at private rented and will up my hours at work. Thank you for all the advice x

How old are you both?

I'm very sorry reading this - many have been in a similar situation and things will get better eventually.

31 x

Of course. Why would I want to stay with someone repeatedly contacting sex workers and lying about it?