I’ll try and keep this as short as possible - I’ve been dating a guy on and off since December. We were pretty much together from March until September - in September he had a family death, he broke up with me 3 times after becoming convinced I was cheating on him - totally untrue! I was just snowed under with work - and the final time I said enough, I wasn’t going back, he blocked me on all platforms and went abroad for 3 weeks, as soon as his plane landed back home he turned up at my doorstep to check I was ok, which then led to us meeting up for a walk and he then ended up staying over, he apologised and blamed his previous behaviour on grief, says he knows I wasn’t cheating. We spent the rest of that weekend together and then on the Tuesday he flew out to Bali for a month on a retreat, to get over the grief of his Mum passing and to become a better person (blah, blah, blah) he said we’d have no contact while he was away but he has contacted me every day.
Some red flags are popping up and I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into it or not.
Firstly he was talking about how he never wants to be away from me and when he’s back he wants us to be together all the time - I have very much made it clear that I will not be ready to live with anyone until my children are older, maybe 4-6 years time as I like living alone with my children and they wouldn’t like it.
Second, I’ve always told him right from the start that turning up at my house unannounced is not ok for me, I had an ex who did it to check up on me. He’s done it twice now when we’ve been fighting and when we FaceTimed the other day, he told me he’s going to show up unannounced all the time to bring flowers and cook me dinner.
He has been messaging me about how he can’t wait to live with me and have children (I’m almost 40 and have made it very clear I will not be having any more children!)
He has also been bombarding me with massive paragraphs about how much he loves me and about our love being a true love - I did have to ask him to stop these as I was finding them emotionally draining, which he has done to a certain extent.
I was annoyed with him for leaving for a whole month after we’d already gone 6 weeks without seeing each other and I’ve been unwell also, when I got upset and emotional he told me that it wasn’t fair to do that to him while he was so far and dealing with his own stuff. I texted to apologise for getting upset and said I won’t share my feelings again while he’s away, to which he agreed. He also told me that he wouldn’t have been in Bali if I’d have supported him better after losing his Mum.
He doesn’t sound like he’s changing does he? I think I know the answer but I just need someone to tell me that I’m right here and not making another mistake by putting a final stop to all of this nonsense!