Photos after relationship brake down

[Em2025]

Hello all,
I’m after advise on something that has been stressing me a lot and I simply don’t know what to do.

I was with my ex for 10 years, he finished over a text and simply disappeared out of my life.
Over the 10 years he took some pictures of me when on holiday, not naked but topless and I’m not happy knowing he has them on his phone.
I caught him doing something (not cheating) and he realised that I know of his stuff that he was/still doing and when it all comes to light, which it will in a near future he might think that it was me reporting him, which I’m not.

Knowing he has my pictures is making me anxious.
Is there anything I can do, say to him to confirm that the pictures are not to be kept on his phone and they need to be permanently deleted?

Thank you

If you still have contact details for him, then I’d start with a simple request for him to delete the photos.

You can ask him to delete them. But realistically, there's no way to confirm if he did.

Qerw you topless on a beach, or was it somewhere private?

Being topless in public means that anyone could have taken your picture anyway. You could be in 100 people's camera roll.

Yes I do.
He pretty much likes not to respond to any of my messages , all about control, knowing that I’m not happy about it.

I will text him but I’m nervous he won’t respond, so what do I do next?

thank you

We used to go on holiday at the same place for the last 10 years, secluded and just the two of us, no public or any other human near us.
They are not explicit photos.
Now that we are not together and he is doing something not morally right, he knows I caught him after him trying to hide things away from me , there will be consequences that he will face up to when the time comes and he might think I’ve reported him and might use them against me, I’m not sure to be honest, I just want my pictures to be deleted.

If you think he would use them against you doing anything further to try to make sure they are deleted will just underline what a useful weapon they are. You would also be drawing attention to what he might feel is a tit for tat reason for reporting him.

You know you have no way of knowing that he has deleted them. Even if he came to you and allowed you to check his phone he could easily store them elsewhere beforehand. As upsetting as the situation is I think you have to accept that.

Maybe if you drop it and put distance between you both he will believe you have completely moved on. Then, hopefully, when whatever he has been doing catches up with him he won’t immediately think you reported him because you stopped caring about him and the photos some time ago.

If he is the kind of person you describe him as, he won't delete the photos and you don't really have a realistic way of forcing him to. If you alert him to the fact that you're worried about the photos (e.g. by asking him to delete them) you're just giving him leverage.

This. I’d certainly be deeply wary of reminding him of the photos’ existence, and alerting him to the fact that you’re worried about him using them in some way against you. It seems to me that, as there’s no way to make him delete the photos, or to know he’s done so even if he says he has, I’d leave it. Asking him to delete them is not likely to get the result you want, and will inevitably (1) remind him they exist and (2) that you’re worried about them being used against you.

I don't think you can force him to delete the photos - he's not doing anything illegal having them on his phone. You can ask him to delete but it doesn't sound like he's the kind of reasonable and respectful person who would comply with such a request. As others have said, you'll just be alerting him to the fact that you're anxious about the photos.

Sharing intimate images of someone else is illegal under the Online Safety Act. If you had proof that he has done this, you can report to the police.

Thank you everyone for taking time to respond and shared your thoughts.

i decided not to say anything about it.
Knowing what he is capable of and has been since my findings is the best that I stay no contact completely.

I will my share my story soon, when I’m ready , I’m still in shock and need of a good therapist To hopefully help me recovery from what he did to me.

story to follow…. Thank you xx

Just to add but a bit late it seems.

He did nothing wrong by taking them or keeping them. If you dont mention anything he may have a) already deleted them, b) forgot about them, c) see them and just delete them as they are of 'little value'. By making them important you run the risk of c) turning them valuable.

You will not know if he has deleted them. You can also recover deleted items, and these are probably backed up anyway. If you asked me to delete a pic of you from 4 years ago I could and it will be gone on my phone/laptop, but will still be buried in my backup drive

No