Help! Anyone have positive stories about or advice on how to separate from husband with 1yr old at home

[onyxtulip]

Hi all

As the title suggests really. Together for 8yrs, married for 3 and a 13mth old baby at home. Love him to bits and still find him attractive but sadly he doesn't want any sexual relationship with me any more, cant articulate why even with therapy other than to say sex and love have never gone hand in hand for him. So maybe just good old Madonna/whore complex. Insists he still thinks I'm attractive/it's not the weight I've gained or the years I've aged. Baby has been sleeping through the night for months and we have a good work/life balance do it's not exhaustion. I feel utterly rejected and resentful, I'm only 35. He's seemingly content and not having an affair that I'm aware of. I've considered an affair and could easily with a past flame but I feel I'd be letting myself down as well as my husband.

So. Assuming this ends in divorce. How does that work with a one year old? Am I going to ruin her life? Am I awful for even considering it? Please help.

Wow you sound so done, and so level headed. No you won’t ruin her life? You maybe doing her a favour and she’s so young she won’t know any difference at all.

sounds so odd to me that’s he’s acting like this but if you’ve done theory work and know it’s not going to change then I admire your strength and you get on and have a kid with someone who loves you back.

No you won"t ruin her.
Sorry that your marriage is not working out.
As long as you still both respect each other and trust each other with parenting, your dd will be fine.
Since therapy has not been able to address the issue I suggest you change its focus to discussing how future parenting will look like once you split. The more on the same page you are about fundamentals, the better (of course each of you is different and has their style and way of doing things).
Put down a schedule of days, pick ups and drop offs etc and test it (make yourself scarce when its his day - let him deal with everything) .

Consider this though
Men often curtail their relationship with children once they meet a new partner. Do you think he is this sort of man?

Women are advised to not introduce new partners to children in a hurry, and even then think twice before cohabiting etc
And blended families are hard work

I would take a hard look at the practicalities and finances
I would consider opening up the marriage and seeing how that goes (but maybe not if that means he gets a free card for shagging whomever he wants as long as its not you...the dick)

He has told you so believe him. Millions have divorced with young kids and survived and thrived. Good luck

You won’t ruin her life. She needs a happy mother. And you’ve got seventeen years to go. That’s a long time. She won’t know any different either, because she won’t remember you living together so it won’t be her norm.

Was the therapy couples counselling? If so and he is still unable to be the partner you deserve then l think it sounds like hes checked out. You are young and do seem to have accepted that you need to part.
You won't ruin your daughters life, it's more important that she has a happy and contented mum and arranging good co parenting will provide that so don't feel guilty. It's your partner who has changed the goalposts here, not you. Concentrate on parting ways before you consider an affair and get the practicalities sorted first.

You sound very level headed. He has told you he wants no sexual relations and you have believed him, so hopefully that bodes well for an amicable split.
I couldn't live like that either, your self worth would be in the gutter.
Your daughter will be find, feel no guilt. Good luckx

Thanks everyone, really grateful for your wise words and support