My friend is seeing a married man

[lisad123]

She is a single girl, although she has a son. She told me she has been going to dinner and drinks with a man a few times. She told me yesterday he is married with kids. I was shocked but she said he had told her from the start, but that his marriage isnt working blah blah. I said she shouldnt go there, deserves better. She said she wasnt intrested in him like that, but thet have kissed but not had sex.
I cant believe she is willing to split a marriage for aman she isnt intrested in. I dont really know what to say to her. I know its his fault too, but keeps making me look at friend in different light.
Would you do anything or just keep mouth shut??

I wouldn't keep my mouth shut but there is not much you can do really is there?

i did let her know how terrible i think it is, but didnt stop her.He texted her yesterday asking if she wanted him to bring to her house as she has house to herself .
She also said i had to promise not to her mum, as she would go spare!

I had a friend who did this.He didnt have children but had been with his wife for 15 years.My friend became pregnant and he only told his partner 3months after baby was born.

He is married.
She is free to see who she likes.

Neither of them is behaving in a particularly honourable way, though.

I wouldn't do anything, but I would make it clear that she knew I was shocked that she was seeing a married man.

Apart from that, I'd leave it.

Well I probably would lecture her until she was mortified and then I probably would avoid her like the plague. At the end of the day there is not much else you can do. I mean you could tell her mum, I suppose but what would that acheive?

I wouldnt tell her mum. I have known the whole family for years and her dad had an affair a few years back and her mum got very depressed. Her mum would kill her, and dont really see how that would make things better.

Sorry but tell her mum? What age is she?

she is the not first and she wont be the last, however is she is not that keen it is somehow worse

I'm not sure what you can do. Fwiw I was in her position some years ago, but I cared so much for the bloke that if a friend had made me choose, I'd have chosen him because I couldn't imagine being without him...unhealthy and wrong, I know that now
But if she doesn't love him she might listen to reason more. My friends were shocked, kind to me but shocked...they were upset I was being treated badly too...but had they said, 'I think you are a shit person for doing this, I cannot respect you if you continue, you need to rise above it or you will be unable to live with yourself later' - I might have thought again despite the depth of my feelings.

It is true that I cannot live with what I did, now...but it is too late to change it. Things like this are bad and stay on your conscience for ever. It's not good.

This may be a bit wingy
But if her dad had an affair and her mum got very depressed, did she see the Other Woman as someone who is very powerful...so maybe that is what she wants to be...?

Told ya it was wingy!

I would probably say something along the lines of " I don't like cheating, and I don't agree, but you will always be my friend...."

Tell her it is making you see her in a different light. That might be quite effective esp if you are a good and valued friend. My friends said they still liked me etc, maybe I needed to hear that they thought badly of me.

I still couldn't climb out of it though, I tried so many times - would have died for him, it was ridiculous, I've never felt that way ever about anyone else. It was a long time ago and has faded now thankfully...

Maybe your friend is angry with her dad, so is sort of using and abusing the married man as a sort of revenge?