What a shit show!

[LeopardPrint67]

I have been with my partner for just over a year. Overall, a really happy relationship, and no real issues apart from the one I’m posting about now.

My partner is really suffering with her mood at the moment, which is absolutely okay because everyone does at times. However, how it’s affecting me and my household is not okay, and it’s all blown up this morning.

My partner has been really needy whilst having these mood swings and low mood episodes, but to the point where it’s extreme. For example, I’ll be trying to eat my dinner or get ready for the day and she will be trying to touch me in some way or another (not sexually, more like stroking my arms or trying to hold my hand or give me a cuddle). I cannot be available for touching 24/7, and I don’t want to be touched 24/7 (of course I do show her physical affection, at more appropriate times and of course I do when she is visibly upset and things like that). When I am in the middle of something and do not reciprocate the touching, she starts sulking and goes into a mood. I honestly feel like her need for constant physical reassurance trumps my right to my own personal space in her head, and I walk on eggshells because I know that if I say no to a kiss or cuddle, how she is going to react. For example, this morning - I went to close the bedroom door to give me a bit of privacy to get dressed (because I near enough always have an audience and because of how she’s made me feel lately I didn’t want to get dressed in front of her), and when I came out of the bedroom after dressing, she was sat in the bathroom sulking and almost on the verge of tears. It’s honestly like dealing with another child rather than a fully grown adult.

I also have a child, who she has met and usually gets along great with. My child has autism and it can be really hard at times, but we really focus on trying our best to have a calm household. Whilst these mood swings have been going on, I have noticed a few times that my partner has been muttering like “for fuck sake” under her breath whilst my child has had a few autistic meltdowns. I have completely called her out on this and her response was “well I said it in a different room and not in front of child”. I don’t care whether you said it in the same room or across the other side of the world, I don’t appreciate the frustrated attitude towards my child and muttering swear words about her whilst she’s having a hard time in that moment.

It’s all lead to a big argument this morning with my partner basically saying I’m being horrible and unsupportive and she’s got together all her bits and left.

Honestly, who is right and wrong here? I just don’t know where to go from here.

Yes a shit show

just a shame you have a child and already involved in this shit show

Sorry to hear this. Perhaps she has an entirely different view and it's resolved naturally. Be kind to yourself and your child.

I think the way you are looking at this is problematic “who is right and who is wrong” means you just want to apportion blame and / or “win”

you are never going to resolve relationship conflict with that approach.

whatever’s gone on you both have a version, feelings, opinions.

it seems like on both sides there are unmet needs.

She sounds like hard work. I'd let her go.

Sounds like too much hard work. Don’t let her back in to your home or your life.

Maybe you're making her sound like hard work because it's easier than acknowledging your part in things. It could be that you see it as her sulking in the bathroom, perhaps she's really upset and feeling like the year she's invested in you isn't appreciated.

Either way, you don't sound respectful of her feelings and I think you should let her go and find someone who will treat her well. Autism can be challenging and for stepparents it can be a minefield. Your attitude is dismissive of her feelings and you're obviously unhappy.

I think she's made the right decision.

Having someone trying to touch me while I was getting dressed or eating would drive me crackers! Provided there is physical affection on a regular basis at other times then I understand your point on that completely.
Yes she is obviously struggling with your DC - as you said she normally gets along fine with them then it’s something about the meltdowns that is frustrating her. Has she any experience with children, and autism?
you'll get some sharp replies here OP - if there is a possibility on here that you are A MAN you won’t get unbiased and fair opinions. You certainly wouldn’t get the same opinions you’d get as a woman poster.
does she acknowledge the mood issue and is there a reason for this? How is the balance with housework etc in your relationship?
and you’ve been together a year - entirely appropriate to have introduced your DC after that long. I swear some posters would rather single parents stay utterly alone and celibate until their dear child is 35.

If he is as dismissive as he sounds she's done herself a favour. I suspect he just wants to get rid of her and he's looking for support so he doesn't have ro feel responsible for his role in the relationship.

You've rushed to moving in together and you're now finding out she's got issues that are impacting on the household.

This is on you, OP ... far more caution is needed with relationships when a child is involved.

You need to call it a day, restore calm to your home and avoid making the same mistake again.

Is OP a man? I don't see that mentioned.

She's taken her things and left, so it sounds like it's over?
I can't help thinking that if you were more into her, you'd be less bothered by her wanting attention, and more concerned about her low mood. That's not to say that you are a heartless monster, just to say that maybe you're not that into her?

I have reported the thread, and I am going to change my username. There is potentially FAR more to this thread than meets the eye.

What weird behaviour!

We don’t live together.

Thank you. She has got experience with children and children with special needs. I’m a woman too, sorry I probably should have clarified that!

She does acknowledge the mood swings but doesn’t know why it’s happening. The balance is pretty even with everything else.

I am very supportive of her usually, but she expects all of my attention to be on her at the moment and with a child - it can’t be. She also expects attention at inappropriate times and then because of how she reacts, it really puts me on edge that I have to drop everything I’m doing at that precise moment the minute she wants a handhold or a cuddle, and if I don’t I then face the consequences…

Yeah I'd be getting rid. She's using classic abuse tactics on you and that shit only gets worse not better. Walking on eggshells is no way to live, especially with an autistic child in the house

I’d be really careful quoting abuse until you’ve heard both sides.

My ex is going around telling people I was abusive when the whole time he was financially exploiting me, cheating, being emotionally manipulative and coercive, threatening assault every time we argued or ending the relationship and contacting exes as a power play etc.

He did the same with his last ex, convincing everyone she was a narcissist.

We haven’t heard the OPs partners version of what is going on in the dynamic.

We never hear the other person's version. If we assumed every time that the OP was suspect and refused to comment on their story, this section could close down today.

Eh? Why?

Id assume that poster suspects it's their partner doing it to make point via the medium of MN or it's a TAAT?

Anyway - If it's neither, the behaviour described is as tedious & unreasonable as all the other threads about moody, difficult partners on here.

You don't have to put up with it. It really doesn't sound like you're compatible, especially the lack of patience with your child.

@1tiredlittlebunny

Sounds interesting! Enlighten us!

I wouldn’t want the partner around my child whilst they’re having low mood issues.

Has she been to the doctors, and is she taking steps to address it?

I think I’d be rethinking this situation OP.

I wonder why your partner has been experiencing such low moods, is there a backstory to this? What is her take
on why it is so?

I mean, i get you are protective re your daughter, that is good. But it’s hardly a crime of the century to mutter ‘for fucks sake’ under your breath, have you never done that yourself, honestly?

Would you the same if OP was a woman? I haven seen countless threads here by women about similar stuff and they are always told they are being abused. How many times have you heard the other partner's perspective in those cases?

Totally off topic, and I’m not trying to be goady-honestly! But I saw someone on another thread saying they’d reported it. I get the need to report threads but …why do posters announce that they’ve reported the thread?
What purpose does it serve?
Why not just report it and not announce it?

Anyhow, are you the partner? Just wondering, as you think there’s more to it.

but, going on the op, I’d say jump ship now. It’s too much hard work by the sounds of it.

The OP is a woman, read the thread.