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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I just talk something out? Not really asking for advice.

5 replies

ShaneWalshgirlfriend · 11/11/2025 08:25

About 15 years ago we had a German lodger. The original plan was that he would stay with us during the week and return to his family in weekends. I was aware of Franz* wife not being entirely sure about me.

So I expect she was less than thrilled that DH is military and unexpectedly got called up for a 3 month tour a long way away and he would not be able to visit during that time.

So it was me, Franz, and the children.

Franz was absolutely lovely, funny and the boys got in really well with him. One was ten months old.

We went from polite acquaintances to good housemates very quickly. If one got to the shower first in the morning, the other would make them a cup of coffee and leave it in their room. We shared lifts to work

One time I was feeding baby DS in my room, lying down reading. I looked down and there was blood all around his nose/ mouth. I totally freaked out and ran downstairs calling for Franz. He ran up the stairs with his arm towards us (turns out it was just a random nosebleed thank goodness).

I didn't fancy Franz at all, but I liked him very much. One morning he had an interview. He was putting on his tie and was very jittery and kept messing it up. I went over and tied his tie for him. And in that moment there was a bat's squeak of sexuality. It totally took me by suprise as such a thought had never entered my head.

Dh eventually returned (that was awkward as baby DS took one look at him, burst into tears and toddled to Franz).

Franz and his family moved up to where we live and we stay in vague contact.

I suppose what I am saying is that that level of familiarity is perhaps not a good idea for two sets of married couples. At least speaking for myself, I wouldn't do it again. I think I was very lucky that there was no basic attraction between us.

Sorry, I just had to write that out.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 11/11/2025 08:31

I think you get close to someone there’s always that risk, but you were aware and stepped back. So shrug, we are all going to find ourselves in spots where we’re attracted to someone to some extent whilst in long term relationships, harder when you’ve leant on someone for company as you did because your other half was away. But you did not act on it! So it’s one of those things, plus contact is now minimal so all good! You didn’t do anything wrong and we’re social creatures at the end of the day so getting on with someone isn’t a crime.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/11/2025 08:34

Sometimes that bat squeak is just a bat squeak (Ive felt it for colleagues). Sometimes it's a siren call.

beeeeeeez · 11/11/2025 09:04

I get bat squeaks all the time. It's part of being human, I think. When I was younger they were siren calls!
It's all about what you do with them.

Mischance · 11/11/2025 09:08

You are allowed to feel a flash of lust for someone other than your OH - you did not act on it, that is all that matters.

ImaginaryAilments · 11/11/2025 09:12

It is completely ordinary to feel a momentary pulse of attraction towards someone, in much the same way as you might think ‘I’d really love a slice of toast’!

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