Reconciliation Following Separation

[TheBigChicken]

How long after separation recommended by SS due to DV can you reconsider reconciliation?

SS are not against reconciliation but we need to involve them if we were to in the future.

I have absolutely no current plans to do so, but if we made changes and worked on things together in the future, at what point would this be taken seriously?

Obviously my children come first and always will do, if SS advise against this in future, then I will 100% go with their recommendations. We just want to create a stable home for our children in the future 😊

Never.

So you were in a DV relationship and SS were also involved?

Bonkers to even consider it. Never.

Never. Ever.

It only ever gets worse.

Stay safe. And keep your dcs safer.

Cut out the violent man. They do not change.

Seriously, do you have to ask?
You'd be crazy to reconcile after dv.

but if we made changes and worked on things together in the future, at what point would this be taken seriously?
Never, I hope.

Never, OP. Absolutely never.

Please don’t for your DC sake
my dad was verbally & physically abusing my mum & it theis d stayed together it would have been even more hellish

You shouldn't need SS to 'recommend' anything - this man does NOT want a stable home if he's bought DV into that space. A stable home for your children is one without him in it.

There is nothing for you to work on. He’s a violent abuser, he won’t change.

Do the Freedom Programme.

If you have to consult SS before getting back together, and you’re still considering it, you’ve got your priorities seriously wrong. Stay well away from this person and protect your children and yourself. Please complete the freedom programme so you can hopefully learn why this is a dreadful idea.

If he had been violent to your children, and was asking you at what point you’d take him seriously in saying he wouldn’t do it again, I like to hope you’d say “never, I can never trust that you won’t physically harm the children again no matter what you say.” So you need to take that same approach when it comes to his violence towards you. You can’t trust that he won’t do it again, and you’ll never have a stable relationship with somebody who is capable of the level of violence which has ended up with social services needing to be involved in assessing your ability to parent. If you want stability, develop your own independence, forge deeper connections with family and friends who can be a part of your children’s lives, work on building strong and healthy family routines on your own without him.

I took my abusive H back (I was desperate for money as he had closed my accounts etc). The honeymoon lasted about 6 weeks. Then the violence was off the scale.

Recognising ALL the ways he abused me and the children was only possible when I did the Freedom programme. I simply wasn't able too see them all at the same time before. That realisation has taken me years to recover from. It was all the abuse types.

Never take back a man who has demonstrated he won't keep you safe. Because, he won't keep you safe. This will harm your children forever - I don't say that lightly.