Does this message sound off?

[newusernamex1000]

Myself and my ex DH have been split up for numerous years, kids seen him regularly.

When it comes to Christmas, the children always stayed with me Christmas Day and went to him on Boxing Day. I offered to share days but this is what he wanted so no problem.

However, he has entered into a new relationship this year and while the new girlfriend has been nothing but nice to my kids she has messaged today asking what days they’re free over the Christmas period. She wants to pencil them into the diary. My daughter has spoken to me about this and said it feels strange she has to be penciled into a dairy to see her own dad.

My son, who just goes with the flow has also raised an eyebrow.

I’ll be honest, this isn’t the first time she has caused my kids to “raise and eyebrow”. She has become pregnant, after telling my ex DH and my kids that she is 100% infertile. My ex DH has mentioned that he feels like she knew she wasn’t and has become pregnant on purpose.

My kids are looking forward to a new sibling but have now noticed a pattern of broken promises and are not seeing their father as much anymore. Obviously causing upset.

I guess my question is, where do I go from here and how can I protect my kids feelings?

I'm not really sure what your issue is here OP. I mean, the situation that your ex has got himself into (4 kids with 3 women, moving to a 2 bed house etc) isn't ideal but as you said, not much you can do about that.

The message from his new partner sounds fine? I'm a step-mum and usually in charge of making plans so this is something I would send to DSC especially around Christmas mainly because with mid-late teens, you end up having to plan stuff around their social life!

I would just leave your kids to make their own decisions whilst staying completely impartial. They may decide to spend less time with him over the coming years but at this age would just let them lead the way on what they want to do.

Also this. My DH is fab but has a memory like a sieve so I make sure that I have everything in my diary so we're not letting anybody down!

Nowt wrong here. Ex needs to be more reliable though

I think the problem is your ex-husband. He has shown himself to be unreliable and uncaring about his own children. He has four which he has apparently little interest in. Now there is a new baby and he is blaming this on his current girlfriend? So what was his excuse with the other three?

He is downsizing, despite having so many kids? He also keeps canceling with the kids you have between you.

Everything screams deadbeat. I don't know how you can best support your children, who have to deal with his uncaring attitude. It is a shit situation, but I don't think you should be making excuses for him. I can only imagine that it would be even more upsetting.

His failure to stick to plans to see his kids is entirely on him not the new GF

If the DC have always gone on Boxing Day I would respond that that is what usually happens and saying if the plan now needs to be different then the DC will discuss it with their dad. She can then pencil in the dates they agree with him.

So he has 4 children with 3 different women? What a prince 🤮

I don’t think it’s the new woman at fault here…nothing at all ‘off’ with her message.

If you or your children have problems, it’s with your Ex, so speak to him ffs! This poor woman has done nothing wrong.

I can imagine it's hard to coordinate 3 different groups. Maybe she's just trying to be more organised.

She probably is gatekeeping how much they see him. But unless he mans up, there isn't much you / your children can do about that?

Do you mean he’s had more kids other than the one they are pregnant with? If so it makes sense to get something in the dairy because he has other family to also consider. I understand your daughter being upset but equally it’s Christmas, most people make plans as it can be a busy time of year.

I agree there is nothing wrong with what she's asking..the problem is it should be their father asking. In a relationship less than a year and she's already taking over managing that relationship for him screams of lazy parenting.

This

Dont get dragged into the controlling manipulative new gf narrative which he seems so keen to project, he’s probably just using that to distract from his piss poor parenting. Yes, it’s disappointing he isn’t a better father but that’s how it is. To protect your kids, I would engage with the new gf between her and your ex, she appears to be the one wanting to impose some stability for your children’s time with their father. Secondly, talk to your daughter about her dad, he is ultimately responsible for his relationship with her, if he lets her down then that’s on him. He won’t be the first dad who casts himself the innocent victim in a situation of his own making.

I’d also advise that next time he tries to act the victim to cut him off, your priority is your children, not being a listening ear to his pity party.

Jeez he is the one cancelling plans and she is the one reaching out to arrange time to see them. He is clearly the one in the wrong not her. Your kids feelings... I'm afraid I'm don't think you can protect them. If their dad keeps cancelling on the day they are going to be upset. Not much you can do apart from talk to him about it

She became pregnant did she.

Gosh. I wonder how that could have happened without his involvement.