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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner drains my energy

11 replies

Mystical1981 · 10/11/2025 09:57

I have been with my partner for 10 years we dont live together. We have alot in common and do alot of fun things together however the past year or 2 we have been arguing quite abit and when we argue he likes to blame and im always the one a fault and he always says he hasnt done anything wrong and its all me which makes me feel unheard and like my feelings dont matter. Everytime I try and talk to him about stuff he gets angry straight away. I do have some resentment towards him recently for not ever listening to me and always blaming me and never taking accountability for anything and we have had alot of problems thebpast year or 2. I have noticed the past few months he has become very moody and snappy and now even going out and doing the things we like to do he just kills the vibe. Theres times when his tone of voice is aggy and the way he says things is aggy yet he says he isnt in a bad mood which makes me angry because i know im not imagining the tone of voice or the way he is talking. Now whats happening is everytime I am around him my energy drains I am happy and energetic but as soon as I am around him I feel tired and sluggish even if he is in a good mood I still feel like that around him. Sometimes when he comes over i hope that he doesnt stay for long because the energy makes me feel so drained. I have been thinking recently of ending the relationship but I dont have many friends and im scared of being on my own. Im 40 so making friends is hard and I couldn't imagine being in another realtionship. What does everyone think I should do?

OP posts:
Mystical1981 · 10/11/2025 10:00

Also i have spoken to him about this but he says he isnt in a bad mood he just expresses himself in that way and i am taking it as he is aggy and in a bad mood when he isnt.

OP posts:
Lennonjingles · 10/11/2025 10:07

You hope he doesn’t stay for long, that’s telling me you don’t want to be with this person.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 10/11/2025 10:11

End it. It sounds like it's over anyway, but he's not brave enough to do it, so he's making you miserable enough to do it for him.
He's a coward. Sorry OP x

MattCauthon · 10/11/2025 10:13

You don't live together, and the relationship doesn't make you happy. Just end it.

Abracadabrador · 10/11/2025 10:22

Delete his number and don't go on any more dates with him.
The happiest section of society are single, childfree women.

The only reason to date a man is if he hugely enhances every aspect of your life and makes everything easier and fun.

JusR · 10/11/2025 10:41

Do you know if he's going through something? Maybe he is aware of his changes but is in denial. Have you ever tried sitting him down and letting him know how HE makes you feel when he treats you a certain way? Maybe that will make him more aware of the severity of the issue. As for you being lonely. If it's not going to change for the long term, do you really want to be stuck with that person compared to being alone and in peace. But I can't say for sure. My therapist is 40 and just moved to BC two weeks ago knowing nobody there. She said uses bumble for finding friends. Supposedly there's a option only for only females to make friends. Maybe you can consider that.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 10/11/2025 13:33

I have been thinking recently of ending the relationship but I dont have many friends and im scared of being on my own.

Feel the fear and do it anyway (by which I mean dump him).
Honestly, don't be afraid of being single and getting a bit lonely sometimes. That is a far, far better thing than being in a sour and draining relationship that has run its course.

DPotter · 10/11/2025 13:37

Sounds to me as if the relationship has run it's course. Time to part ways.

never stay with someone just because it might be difficult to find another partner. That's a really quick way to dissolving your self-esteem

JusR · 10/11/2025 16:39

Dump him now please

JusR · 10/11/2025 16:41

Dump him now please

RelationshipTherapist2 · 10/11/2025 16:55

Please don't stay in a relationship just because you're scared of being by yourself. It's not fair on you or your partner.

I would suggest thinking about what you would like in an ideal partner, and then consider whether you have these qualities yourself. If there are any you don't have, then these are the qualities you need to work on.

Learn how to be partner you want to have. Take yourself out for dates, and treat yourself like you would like someone else to treat you.

Once you learn how to be 'the one' for yourself, then you'll become more confident and self-assured - and attract 'your people' to you (friends or potential romantic interests), and in general live a happier and more authentic life.

Wishing you all the best.

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