kissing

[Imaginatio]

Hello

I’d love your perspective on this matter that is causing us to argue a bit.

We’ve been together a year, love together and are engaged. It’s been a lovely year and over that time we’ve learned to live and love. It all feels right and lovely.

One thing troubling me is that she has stopped kissing me the way we used to. I’m talking passionate kissing and the kind where you feel very connected.

we’ve talked about it over the months but it stopped at about month 4. It comes and goes but for a day or so, but it’s never like it used to be and I really miss it.

it’s now at a point where it has become and thing and difficult to get through.

any advice would be lovely. I’m the guy here but came on here for a woman’s perspective. Both 40s.

thanks.

Clearly important to you but not to her…anymore apparently. What are her priorities now she has said?

It's crucial to you. It is not crucial to everyone.

I had a boyfriend for three years. We never kissed once. Neither of us liked kissing

her needs are other things that take priority and none of them are intimacy

Do you live together? Her reply could be code for "you don't pull your weight around the house" so she is going off you.
Even if you don't live together, there is something going on. Is she having a tough time at work? Family or parent issues? Friendship issues? Health worries? You should know this already - you should know all about her life and what is going on for her.

You say you brush your teeth and use mouthwash, but if you are not flossing before the mouthwash you could still have bad breath from bacteria between the teeth. There are also other issues that can cause bad breath.
Lick the back of your hand with your whole tongue. Let it dry for a minute, then smell it. That will tell you if you have bad breath.
Do you eat garlic or raw onions or spices that she doesn't like? Strong cheeses? Beer she doesn't like?

Ask her what she meant about other priorities.
Ask her if there is something about the kissing she doesn't like.
Ask her to be brutally honest.

So if it’s not a deal breaker….

but seriously… think about how important this is to you.. you really don’t want to be years down the line and not be fulfilled in this regard. It’s such a big part of connection for a lot of people.

So she's not interested in any kind of intimacy? That would absolutely be a deal breaker for me, only you know if it is for you.

It’s a breath issue. How is it during sex? Not many people randomly snog like teenagers but do get into it in sex

It would be an absolute deal breaker for me.
No kissing is just weird!

I am very surprised that you have got as far as being engaged when the kissing stopped at 4 months! Surely that's when you should have dumped her?

Why is it weird?

I don't mind a quick kiss on the lips.

But I think kissing with tongues is really weird and gross. You can smell what the other person had for dinner.

Especially if someone eats meat. If someone eats meat, there is actually a kind of rotting smell coming from their mouth

Your mistake may be to think of a snog as a snog, as if it's a cookie cutter thing. It's not - it's a way of relating to each other and exploring each other. It's a communication between the two of you and will be created by both of you in a way that is unique to your relationship. I am guessing that there is something off putting in the way you are snogging - maybe very focused on what it's like for you and not thinking about what it's like for her? I would stop focusing on 'it' as a thing, and explore different ways of kissing to see what ignites her. You don't want to settle into ways of doing things, especially this early in the relationship.

Randomly snogging in the living room is not for me at all but when we are having sex we are always kissing.

Are you talking about no kissing at all??

Thought you were going to say you’d been together a long time. DH and I have been married 29 years and together 33. I’m post meno but we still snog, usually as foreplay and I would like it to happen more.

This

I've been with my husband 15 years. He doesn't like kissing with tongues and never has. We have a fantastic time in other ways and the passion is very much alive, but he has just never been in to snogging.

I personally used to like a snog! But to be honest I'm just not that bothered, it's not a deal breaker. When you love each other, a bit of compromise is fine. There are many different ways to show you love each other and to be passionate.

I can't really do tongue kissing. It doesn't seem to bother men much and I don't think it's that unusual, at least not world wide.

Oh I absolutely love kissing and one of the things I love about the man I'm with now, we've been together a year and we still just love snogging on the sofa.

We can spend all morning just playing in bed kissing and not even having full sex.

Somebody previously said it's all down to compatibility so it's important that you both like the same things I think.